Help with disordered eating, please?!

Help with disordered eating, please?

I'm fighting with myself this moment over the dumbest thing (as I'm sure you ALL think): to puke or not to puke. THAT is the question.

I've pretty much been starving myself for a while now (300-500 calories daily). I dropped 10 pounds. Tonight I let my hunger and my emotions get the best of me, and I ate half a PIZZA and then CHEESE CAKE.

My stomach hasn't felt this full in a while, and I hate it. It's poking out. I feel like I could throw up. I feel fat. I regret eating. I'm hating myself for eating all that.

I've been TRYING to induce vomiting, but....when I get close, I get scared that everything will go wrong. I'll choke....die, etc, etc.

I want to tell somebody, but I don't want them to worry. It's not like I'm out of control, but.....at the same time, I know I've been obsessing about food, calories, working out, how my clothes fit....the list goes on & on.

I'm beginning to HATE food, because looking at the calorie content is depressing. I'll say

2 weeks ago
"Oh THAT's not worth the calories." Lately, nothing is worth the damn calories.

Last night, I found myself calculating how many calories were in 3 olives I ate. OLIVES!

Any...advice about coping with these feelings....feeling full and FAT, that is....would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry that was long, but I haven't talked about it yet! Thank you for reading!

2 weeks ago
I'm 23, by the way. Thank you all for your kind support.

I'm so sorry, I used to obsess over that all the time. Today I had a few grapes and a pear. I'm not as bad anymore. the best thing to do is to reassure yourself to eat healthy, but not starve. Tell yourself that anybody who puts you down for your weight or habits is not worth your f*cking time. Please don't starve, I know what it feels like! The best thing to do is listen to some calm music and continue to eat healthy. About 1000 cals if you're trying to lose weight. But don't starve. Stay strong hun. good luck xoxo brie

PS. don't throw up. i used to circle around the toilet with the same thing. (should i vomit, i ate too much? should i not? what are the risks?) and then thankfully i talked myself out of it. i am here for support!