New development with alchoholic husband...caught him hiding beer can. What is th!
Question: I asked him why he was hiding it and he denied it, but it was very obvious what was going on. As much as I don't like his alchohol problem, I deal with it, but if he's reaching the sneaking and hiding phase at 33 doesn't that seem extreme. I don't give him a hard time about drinking anymore...frankly, I just realized my complaining did nothing but drive us apart.
On the other hand, I don't want to be the typical enabling wife who lets these things go unnoticed. How should i have handled the hiding and sneaky behavior. I know he is the only one who can help himself.
I am the child of an alchoholic father and am sick and tired. I remember this behavior in my Father, but it wasn't until he was much further gone. What gives? Someone with experience....please help me.
Answers: I asked him why he was hiding it and he denied it, but it was very obvious what was going on. As much as I don't like his alchohol problem, I deal with it, but if he's reaching the sneaking and hiding phase at 33 doesn't that seem extreme. I don't give him a hard time about drinking anymore...frankly, I just realized my complaining did nothing but drive us apart.
On the other hand, I don't want to be the typical enabling wife who lets these things go unnoticed. How should i have handled the hiding and sneaky behavior. I know he is the only one who can help himself.
I am the child of an alchoholic father and am sick and tired. I remember this behavior in my Father, but it wasn't until he was much further gone. What gives? Someone with experience....please help me.
Part of the general progression for an alcoholic is hiding their booze. It's not unusual at all if his drinking problem has caused you, or anyone else, to chastise him. You see......he quite possibly doesn't think he has a problem - that's called denial.
And you are correct........consistant complaining will probably lead to even heavier drinking as he ages and quite probably cause an eventual separation/divorce.
Unfortunately there is a mighty fine line between tolerating his behavior and being the so-called enabler - much like walking a tight rope in your case.
Unfortunately, and as you mentioned, only he can recognize his problem....face it.....and "fix it." Otherwise his tolerance will increase until about age 40, then diminish slowly so that he will be "drunk" on 2 or 3 drinks, and remain in the same shape when he finsihes his 20th. drink.
The only advice I can give is to first try to discuss it openly and candidly with him - realizing that it is a disease, and refraining from any remarks that might be taken as hostile. Ensure as well, that he is entirely sober when you have your discussion.
If all else fails, and you want to preserve the relationship, you might try contacting a local Alanon (sp?) center that helps people like yourselves who have an alcoholic partner.
You might even consult a priest, pastor, reverand, if you belong to any Christian denomination for assistance and guidance as well.
This, unfortuantely, all boils down to one thing. Will he recognize his problem and seek help before it's too late -or- will he fail to see the light.....forcing you into, at the very least, a separation.
I pray that the two of you will work it out (sincerely.)
G.B.
You have two choices...deal with it or leave him.
You're right in the fact that he is the only one that can help himself but until he gets out of denial (if ever) nothing is going to change.
Sometimes handing them divorce papers wakes them up, but sometimes they will choose the alcohol over their marriage.