I don't know what I'm going to do...?!

I don't know what I'm going to do...?

I'm 14, and last year my bestfriend of 7 years died. Sure, I guess she's in heaven as, we're both Cristians. But, the thought of her decaying, rotting, in a box, beneath dirt...makes my heart ache. My bestfriend isn't herself anymore. Shes not here. Shes not with me. We're not going to get old together. We're never going to talk on the phone again or have another sleep over. What am I going to do. The urge to just...end my life and be happy with my bestfriend is getting stronger and stronger. I'm tired of crying and hurting. No one even knows I feel this way. Everyone thinks I'm coping so well, and doing so well. When the truth is I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. What am I going to do??.

talk to someone the best thing you can do is talk to someone about it...maybe a counsellor? I'm sure your bestfriend wouldn't want you to end things and they'd want you to go on living and enjoy life. Keeping it all bottled up and not letting others help you will make your pain worse. And don't listen to sad songs coz that will make you even more sad.... I know from experience!