My Last Question is: What would be the effects of my suicide be for my son?!
Question:
My Last Question is: What would be the effects of my suicide be for my son?
I have schizoaffective bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed about six yrs ago. I have been out of the hospital for three yrs and have been doing great. Even enjoyed a new hobby of gardening. Suddenly, I feel sick again. My husband just can't go through all that again. Our young son, either. The only fast and permanent solution I have is to end my life. Everyone would eventually get on with their lives and adjust to me being gone. It is just I hope I go to Heaven because I would like to meet up with my family again someday.
Answers:
Your death is the worst thing that could possibly happen to either your husband or son. The loss would be enormous and the guilt, particularly if they thought you did this to spare them, would be horrendous. Even without thinking that, they would always be left with a feeling of responsibility for not having accurately foreseen the signs or for having been unable to prevent it, regardless of the fact that the decision would have been your choice. Suicide is never better for the survivors.
Further, consider that your son may at some point in the future develop the illness himself-would this be the role model you wish to present? A far better model would be of someone who is a survivor and could help him via their own experience.
Schizoaffective Disorder is treatable, as you have already experienced, but it is chronic and there may be relapses when symptoms return and become acute. Those periods are temporary and can be greatly reduced with psychiatric intervention. If you are recognizing some early signs that you believe may be the beginning of a relapse, contact your psychiatrist and therapist and seek treatment immediately. It is likely that they will be able to help you avoid a full-blown episode and you can set a positive example for your son of how to deal with the illness by demonstrating responsible management of the illness. Schizoaffective disorder need not be life-threatening.