Understanding religious experiences or thoughts when psychotic, please help?!
Question: Understanding religious experiences or thoughts when psychotic, please help?
Until last year, last year I moved in with my ex boyfriend (at time my b'friend) and asked him about his religion. For no apparent reason I became fixated with the idea and wanted to go to a Russian Orthodox Church in my city. I became obsessed to the point I irritated my boyfriend and I wanted to read everything about it.
I went to Church and two days later saw a vision of the Mother of God holding Jesus in her arms. The next day was awful I went to my voluntary job but believed God would strike me down and kill me before I returned home, I had to get the bus home and numbers took specific meanings, I believed the no 1 bus was dangerous, but so might no 7 and then no 3 might be a trick but finally I got home, still frightened to go out alone without boyfriend with me. I kept repeating the phrase Lord,have mercy again and again. I stared into a candle the night I saw the vision and I saw all these colours and lights and I believed when I closed my eyes I could see God and that ironically all the time I was a non believer God was right in front of me. Soon though this scared me and I began to wonder how I would sleep when I closed my eyes I saw these shapes and stuff. Much around the same time I believed the world would end and I believed I was a healer and I could save the world by fasting and if necessary dying of starvation, I even begged my b'friend to help me with my mission and allow me to do what I had to do. I began to wear a headscarf although it was only supposed to be worn in Church. At around this time I went from being slightly manic to feeling low and depressed and I was definitely paranoid. One day I broke my fast and we had a storm, instant proof God was punishing the world for my failure to fast. I started believing maybe I or my b'friend was the Second coming. I also ruined the kitchen by throwing food drink kitchen cleaning stuff on the floor, which I later ascribed to God wanting me to fast. The Bible made so much sense and everything seemed bright.
I got slightly better and I realised my beliefs had been wrong to what my Church believed. I started attending each week or most weeks and I found the services to be enjoyable and emotional. But I had no concept of what I believed, I believed what I read and was taught in Church. Sometimes I think the religious icons made me see the way to go towards salvation.
But last Nov I was baptised and since then, esp recently I have found Church life very hard, I cannot pray, because I struggle to do anything in life. I have been told by other Christians despair and being ill is a sin, I am turning away from God and I worry for my salvation and especially since I hve started thinking blasphemous thoughts.
So my main question please, is am I really religious and just going through a bad patch or is my thoughts in the past purely down to mental illness. I have psychosis by the way. My GP and mental health professionals say I am not religious and it is just a phase, this frightens me because I don't want to anger God and be punished in Hell. Currently I am not very well and feeling v v low.
Answers:
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Are the health professionals that tell you it's just a phase, are they atheist? Ever consider talking to a counselor with a Christian perspective.
It sounds like you are dealing with some serious mental illness, but I also believe God can work miracles. The devil tries to convince us that God doesn't love us, but as sure as you and I are female, GOD IS LOVE. I don't know if your visions are from God, but I do think the devil is doing everything he can to ensnare you. Don't give him that victory. Talk to a church leader about your walk with Christ. It is perfectly normal to feel like you have set backs. I have them all the time, but it's because of this Christ died for us. We aren't righteous. The blood of Christ is what makes us righteous in the end.
I will pray for you and your walk.
what is vitally important is to choose your healing route- for this problem ----- carefully from good information—that means knowing druggs/meds treatment for this can/will be damaging to your mind and body .drugs only mask the symptoms they do not cure.
This info well –it will save ---years of suffering = if you apply it ..
All treatment recommended by the doctors should be tested and approved and quite rightly so.
That makes sense
It costs millions of pounds to test and approve just one treatment.
Drug companies pay for most testing and will only and I mean only look at treatments, which show the promise of good deal of a profit, --they will actively dismiss any therapy which does not have profit potential— thus your doctor will only recommend therapies that have been tested with profit potential in them.
Despite The fact that some of these other therapies mentioned below do have overwhelming benefits some, which have saved massive amounts of suffering
Drugs are not the answer for any mental illness-- at best they mask symptoms
This is a fundamental principle grasp this fully –
Have you heard your local doctor recommend, Massage Spiritual healing, reiki Light therapy, Colour therapy, the violet ray therapy, Osteopathy, Electrical Frequency devices. Karma therapy and u wont because no one can put a patent on these powerful therapies .
For much more info/ detail and research behind this protocol
Go here http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/theholi…
Upon joining this group you will be sent a file giving the info –or go to the files section within the group and u will see it there
Print this all off save it and enact it and share it --- of course someone to help you get these therapies in your life is invaluable but do not be swayed by anyone trying for short cuts …
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1,get someone to massage your back and legs at least 3 times a week use peanut oil or a mix of 50-50 olive and peanut oil.
2 use the violet ray machine an Edgar Cayce device google search this --- 3 times a week on the other days especially on the spine….we use it every day with very positive results
3.get a tent sleep out side 3times a week utilising earth energy - nature can help big time especially with how you feel how much energy you have
4 study and apply good nutrition— adele davis books =protein minerals =iron essential fatty acids omega 3 6 9 protein etc
5 ensure your thyroid is working well get it checked
6 ensure you do at least I hr per day some kind of voluntary work when you are able..the reasons you are ill , or poor or have allsorts of bad things happen to you is because of karma -----usually from past lives but some from this one –voluntary work will offset your mistakes--- how much it offsets well that is down to god and how much you do. Healing us is in direct proportion to the help we give others ie your healing comes with helping others achieve theirs so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster....so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot of us are already doing being of service.
7 be amongst people who are giving, friendly who have time for you who love you , choose your friends well . choose your company well.
8 get to a place which personally love or like
9 do some work which you like or love
10 ensure you do no acts which hurt or inflict on anyone –don’t want to add to your karma do we !!!
11 spiritual healing and reiki find good therapists who offer this service in your area many spiritualist churches which are all around offer this for free as part of their vocational offerings to the divine.
12 focus your mind - think good positive thoughts, laughter, look at comedy, play good uplifting music,
13 avoid at all costs exposure to violence, murders, suffering ,death ,tragedies, -feed upon good things uplifting things, things that feel like a breath of fresh air..
14 Positive affirmation- t programme your self in the mirror , thoughts are things words are things actions are things , all have influence, few people realise these things can have an effect on themselves .
15 get a detox ------ toxins can influence how you feel big time
16 hugs get plenty of them in your daily life you would be amazed at how people feel after a few decent hugs.== find a big tree and hug that.
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17 loads of exercise running walking climbing but something which you enjoy
18 light therapy sunshine /light box and vitamin d and ensure water intake 2 litres a day
A total cure however is tied up with karma so you can imagine just how important is the voluntary work. The more u do the better u will feel .
keep up the voluntary work =
Get the spiritual healing /reiki in place asap
And remember this
Voluntary work for you is a very good idea especially when u consider this principle
,.all our healing and happiness - yours and mine is linked right alongside our efforts and contribution to others.in direct proportion to the help we give others
ie your healing comes with helping others =so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster...
.so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot of us are already doing being of service.
Do not even dream of healing to come to you if you are doing wrongful acts , wrongful words , wrongful thoughts. All you are doing is making more of a burden for yourself
1 hour a day will make a difference to you and to others
That is quite the testimony my friend! I would like for you to consider something that you may have not realized.
2 Corinthians 11:14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
Now most people picture the devil as the red guy with the horns, and I don't know if he looks like that, but I do know this above scripture. An angel of light, is his greatest disguise as he uses religion to lead people to hell! Scary! I also understand that it means that Satan constantly twists the word of God, and incorporates his own doctrine. Don't take it lightly, because he is GOOD at what he does. IE Adam and Eve (Genesis 3). His showdown with Jesus (Matthew 4).
Now the reason I want you to consider this, is because there is no doubt in my mind that what you have experienced is completely demonic.
I only know one cure for the demonic. Jesus Christ.
I know that you have heard the word gospel, everybody knows the word gospel! The word gospel is greek, and it means good news. There is good news for you my friend, that news starts with the death of Jesus Christ the only Son of God, 2000 years ago, and ends with his resurrection 3 days later.
What I mean by that is you can die to the way of life you just described above, and you can be resurrected a new person. Take it from me, I died to being a depressed drunk, living filthy, to being resurrected a Christian. Nobody else can claim dying for you, not muhammed, not buddha, not the pope, only Jesus.
He has to be the centerpoint of your life, but that means giving up some things, I don't know what they are, but trust me we all have to give up things to come to Jesus.
Romans 10:9-10
If you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth you will be saved.
Start with Jesus, then start doing these four things
Prayer
Bible Reading
Evangelism (tell others about Jesus)
Fellowship (spend time with other christians in and outside of church)
If I can do it so can you!
I did it, one time in my life I was a terrible
You sound like you want to be religious, but are struggling to much with your psychosis to be so. As a Christian, I know that God won't punish you for your actions now if you come to Him with a sorry heart and ask for forgiveness. Also, He didn't punish you because you stopped fasting. God wants the very best for His children and He created food so you would eat it. Over eating, as in eating every second of the day, is gluttony which is bad. But people in the Old and New Testaments ate, the Disciples, even Jesus. He created enough food for the people. God won't punish you. Take some time to find what you truly believe, study the Bible, and worship God all the time. He loves you.