Am I depressed? Am I mentally unstable?!
Question: Am I depressed? Am I mentally unstable?
also. i think once i had weed that was laced with coke. and i didnt randomly smoke weed but my "friends" hotboxed the car the first time and then i thought i might as well try it since i was alreadykind of high. thiis has totally changed me. i used to never be depressed 3 month ago. then i quit and i felt like i wanted to do it again because.. i dont know i just couldnt resist. and then now its like i dont have a purpose in life anymore. im not doing this to get attention or anything. i just dont want to feel this way anymore. but i feel that there is no other way besides going completely insaine -which i feel like im doing- or taking my life... and by the way im not a rebel teen or anything like that. i just miss my real friends far away in germany, i came here about 4 years ago and now i feel so empty and i just want my old life back. i go to school and i get good grades and everything. i just like to party but only because of the feeling i get when i do. i dont like to drink. i would rather go to a concert just to feel connected with the people there. am i going insaine? someone agree with me and tell me im not going insaine?
and if someone tells me that i should feel happy and stuff i feel like i cant and then i get even more sad because im making them waste time trying to write this and then i dont even do what htey say. i feel worthless. i probopally sound stupid but i have to tell someone. please take me seriously..
my boyfriend keeps saying he would give anything to make me feel better. this makes me feel even worse because im not worth it. im thinking abt taking my life and theres someone that loves me that much. i am so selfish and stupid.
Answers:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY. Everyone wants to connect. I don't blame you for looking for a way to do that.
Weed is KNOWN to cause psychosis and depersonalization in some individuals. And you don't know what your stuff has been cut with.
Keep telling yourself this: IT'S THE DRUG, IT'S NOT ME.
And then stop using weed.
And then (ok, tomorrow) get on Skype and call your friends. And then plan a visit to Germany for the summer.
Immigrating is hard, it's especially hard when you're a young teenager; integrating into North American culture is especially hard.
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edit: the psychosis and depersonalization isn't permanent - but will carry on as long as you use weed.
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edit: I'm sorry I didn't come back to your question! I hope you feel at least a little better today...
It is very important that you find someone to talk to. You do NOT have to take drugs for depression, even if they would like you to. You can say you would prefer counselling. You must seek help, you are going along a dangerous and destructive line of thinking. and to be honest, if your boyfriend is also depressed, there may be a negative feedback, even if it is loving. You need to talk to someone elelse - please do this!!! Try a counsellor, or social worker, if you do not trust psychologists*.
i know what you mean about missing 'who they were' vs who they are. It is possible though to rebuild those relationships, even long distance - not to the degree that they would have been had you stayed, but certainly enough to keep in the daily details of life. I have reached out to old friends - some I haven't spoken to in years - and it has made a difference in reawakening the feeling of closeness.
*You may not find the ideal person right away. But please please try!!!
Also I want to say: I went through a time - more than one time - when I thought I would never come out of it. I was nervous, introverted, troubled, anxious... spent much of my childhood and teenaged years like that. But now, I'm much more open, carefree - I feel better about life than I ever did. It is completely possible to emerge from this dark moment. But it will take longer if you insist on trying to cope with it yourself.
Again, please find someone to talk to, your words are very concerning.
xxx
GO SEEK HELP!!!!!!! Tell your parents. Ask for help. If you go get help, they will put you on medication which will hopefully make your depression and cutting better.
Look, you're sad, you're unhappy, you're cutting. Could it really be worse to tell your parents and get help????? Could it really be worse to tell your parents and ask for help??????