Not sure that this is even the correct category.....?!
Question: Not sure that this is even the correct category!.!.!.!.!.!?
But I really need to ask!. In 1989, I lost several family members in a house fire!. That night, I blanked out (!?) and can only remember some parts of it!. Ever since then, my sister-in-law has told me that she's the one who "pried" my daughter off of me to throw her down to the paramedics or whoever!. But a few weeks ago, my mother said that she was the one who did it!. (They both say they had to pry her off of me; I don't know if I was in shock or what - I'm just going by what they say!.) My problem is, who am I supposed to believe, and does it really matter!? My mother has mental health issues, but so does my sister-in-law - hers are far worse!. But the bits I can remember, it's my sister-in-law who was there!. My daughter has always 'known' that my sister-in-law saved her life!. And I still think that's true!. How would you deal with this, if at all!? I'm sure that I'm not being very clear about my question; I apologize!. But I'm just wondering how to deal with this!? My sincere thanks for any help or wisdom you can offer :)Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
((((Zilla))))
I'm so sorry to hear that this happened!. Our minds often change memories of traumatic situations as a coping mechanism!. It's entirely possible that one of them pried your daughter off of you and threw her down, and the other one created a false memory as a way of coping with the guilt she may have felt for not being the one who did that!.
It is also possible that they were both involved, but each only remembers their role!. Perhaps they were both so focused on protecting your daughter, neither one remembers being helped by the other!. I personally think that this is probably the most likely scenario, given that both remember saving her!.
I don't mean to trivialize the memories, but I'm not sure if it matters who it was!. The important thing now is that your daughter was saved, and that you, your mother, and your sister-in-law all made it out of the house!.
In terms of how I would deal with it now, I don't think there's any good reason to try to "correct" your mother's interpretation!. People hold onto their memories very closely, and hearing that one of them might be false (especially a memory about heroism) will be painful!. If there is ever an argument between them about it, I think the best thing to do is to tell them that neither of them has a fallible memory, and that it's entirely possible (and maybe even likely) that they both played a role!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I'm so sorry to hear that this happened!. Our minds often change memories of traumatic situations as a coping mechanism!. It's entirely possible that one of them pried your daughter off of you and threw her down, and the other one created a false memory as a way of coping with the guilt she may have felt for not being the one who did that!.
It is also possible that they were both involved, but each only remembers their role!. Perhaps they were both so focused on protecting your daughter, neither one remembers being helped by the other!. I personally think that this is probably the most likely scenario, given that both remember saving her!.
I don't mean to trivialize the memories, but I'm not sure if it matters who it was!. The important thing now is that your daughter was saved, and that you, your mother, and your sister-in-law all made it out of the house!.
In terms of how I would deal with it now, I don't think there's any good reason to try to "correct" your mother's interpretation!. People hold onto their memories very closely, and hearing that one of them might be false (especially a memory about heroism) will be painful!. If there is ever an argument between them about it, I think the best thing to do is to tell them that neither of them has a fallible memory, and that it's entirely possible (and maybe even likely) that they both played a role!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I too am sorry for your loss!. So very sorry! I had a car accident(in which I lost my unborn child, not the same I know, but traumatic, all the same) and only remember fragments!.!.!.and what I do remember is very sketchy!. Some things I remember match with what my sister says, but other things I remember are false!. Most of it is gone!. Maybe that's where it belongs-lost in my mind!.
I'm not sure of what I'm saying-but for Me it was just easier to try and leave those memories alone!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I'm not sure of what I'm saying-but for Me it was just easier to try and leave those memories alone!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
((((Zilla))))) I'm sorry you had to go through that!. In the end I don't know if who did it matters since you have your daughter!. I'm guessing it matters to your mother and sister-in-law thought!. If they ever get in an argument about it, just tell them that it doesn't matter since the important thing is your daughter is okay!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
First of all I'm sorry about your loss!. I think that possibly one day you will remember, as trauma has that kind of effect; you forget things and then one day they come back to you!. Perhaps your relatives has some false memories about the situation!? This is also caused by trauma!. For now, I don't think it's overly important because all turned out well!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
Zilla, I'm so sorry for your loss!.
It's not very surprising that survivors' memories don't match up, even with respect to important details!. We're only just beginning to understand how the mind and memory work at all, let alone how they work during and after traumatic events!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
It's not very surprising that survivors' memories don't match up, even with respect to important details!. We're only just beginning to understand how the mind and memory work at all, let alone how they work during and after traumatic events!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
(((zilla)))
My heart goes out to you on this!. I cannot think of anything to add to the excellent answers you have already gotten!. I especially agree with turtles answer!. God bless you my friend!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
My heart goes out to you on this!. I cannot think of anything to add to the excellent answers you have already gotten!. I especially agree with turtles answer!. God bless you my friend!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
((((Zilla))))
Wow!.!.!. what a loss!.!.!. there really are few words to express my admiration for your recovery!. As for not remembering, I would ask you to "let it happen!." Our minds are amazing things, and when we don't remember, it is usually because it is just too much for us to handle!. So, our survival trait is to block it out!. It's a good trait to have!.
Some people remember later, when they can handle it!.!.!. and some people never remember!. You don't need to remember to be happy, healthy and well adjusted!. Let it happen as it will!.
Your daughter gets some good things from this!.!.!. a mother who clung to her and wouldn't let her go in a dangerous situation, and other women in her family who also cared enough to make sure she survived!. Emphasize to her how much the women of her family were bound and determined that she would make it out!. No matter how old we get, it's good to feel that caring from others in our family!.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that!. And, I am sooo glad you're here! My best to your daughter, she must be an amazing young gal with a Mom like you!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Wow!.!.!. what a loss!.!.!. there really are few words to express my admiration for your recovery!. As for not remembering, I would ask you to "let it happen!." Our minds are amazing things, and when we don't remember, it is usually because it is just too much for us to handle!. So, our survival trait is to block it out!. It's a good trait to have!.
Some people remember later, when they can handle it!.!.!. and some people never remember!. You don't need to remember to be happy, healthy and well adjusted!. Let it happen as it will!.
Your daughter gets some good things from this!.!.!. a mother who clung to her and wouldn't let her go in a dangerous situation, and other women in her family who also cared enough to make sure she survived!. Emphasize to her how much the women of her family were bound and determined that she would make it out!. No matter how old we get, it's good to feel that caring from others in our family!.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that!. And, I am sooo glad you're here! My best to your daughter, she must be an amazing young gal with a Mom like you!Www@Answer-Health@Com
It is my honour to answer one last question of yours!. :)
Perhaps your mother remembers it like that, but the one whose memory is important in this is your daughter!. She knows it was your sister in law who was there and saved her life, and that is what is important!. If it gives your mother comfort to have her own memories, you can validate that, for her, those memories are real, but your daughter knows what that night was like for her better than anyone, so I would believe your daughter's memories!.
In effect, you and your daughter can just allow your mother this bit of comfort, but hold your memories with you, knowing them to be the true ones!.
((((((Zilla))))))Www@Answer-Health@Com
Perhaps your mother remembers it like that, but the one whose memory is important in this is your daughter!. She knows it was your sister in law who was there and saved her life, and that is what is important!. If it gives your mother comfort to have her own memories, you can validate that, for her, those memories are real, but your daughter knows what that night was like for her better than anyone, so I would believe your daughter's memories!.
In effect, you and your daughter can just allow your mother this bit of comfort, but hold your memories with you, knowing them to be the true ones!.
((((((Zilla))))))Www@Answer-Health@Com
(((Zilla)))
I would look at it like this, My daughter and I are safe now!. The events of the past are that, true you have lost members of the family due to this tragic night, but your mind seems to be on this one moment!. Who saved my daughter!. Well go ahead and if it bothers you bad enough ask them both while in front of the other!. But just look at it like this, you are safe now don't look a gift horse in the mouth!.
I hope you find your closure it sounds like you need it on such a hard time in your life!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I would look at it like this, My daughter and I are safe now!. The events of the past are that, true you have lost members of the family due to this tragic night, but your mind seems to be on this one moment!. Who saved my daughter!. Well go ahead and if it bothers you bad enough ask them both while in front of the other!. But just look at it like this, you are safe now don't look a gift horse in the mouth!.
I hope you find your closure it sounds like you need it on such a hard time in your life!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I can not even begin to realize the pain that you had ( have ) to endure!. I do grieve with you!. I feel like Turtles is correct when saying your daughter knows ( remembers ) the person at hand!. Even at 2 we can not assume to know what she sees in her memory!. However unlikely it seems to us that she could not possibly remember, I have my own feelings about memory & recollection!. There are things about our minds we do not fully understand!. Yet!. I will believe Baby Zilla!. And her memory!.
It is not even possible for me to imagine where you are!. I am so sorry!. I grieve with you!.
It is important like everyone else told you that you have Baby with you today, Mom, and Sis-In-Law, but I understand how it can be important also to have truth in what happened that night, and just how things happened!. No matter how it may disturb, or confuse other people!. Love to you & yours!. Shalom in home!. In body, and minds!.
Yes***right category***
(((((Baby Z/ Zilla)))))Www@Answer-Health@Com
It is not even possible for me to imagine where you are!. I am so sorry!. I grieve with you!.
It is important like everyone else told you that you have Baby with you today, Mom, and Sis-In-Law, but I understand how it can be important also to have truth in what happened that night, and just how things happened!. No matter how it may disturb, or confuse other people!. Love to you & yours!. Shalom in home!. In body, and minds!.
Yes***right category***
(((((Baby Z/ Zilla)))))Www@Answer-Health@Com