PLEASE ANSWER: Am I a sex offender??!
Question: PLEASE ANSWER: Am I a sex offender!?!?
When I was 4 years old, I was sexually molested by my uncle!. I had amnesia shortly after it!. Still, I was so ashamed and traumatized by the situatiuon that I developed Dissociative Identity Disorder (a condition in which a single person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment!.) Soon after the incident, not only did I lose my sense of self, I didn't learn how to make friends because my low self esteem prevented me from learning how to socially connect to others!. I grew up with so much anger and anxiety inside and I didn't know how to deal with it, so I was mean, anti-social and I bit my nails to the bone!. Overall, the shock caused me to live "out of reality" for many years and impacted my mental and social development!. When I was 7-10 years old I "played doctor" ith my brother and sister!. What sucks is that I am the oldest, and I did persuade them at times! I can't look others in the eye!!!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
An important step in the healing process is to forgive yourself (discuss with therapist)!. D!.I!.D!., & child sexual abuse are addressed in sections 17, & 21, at http://www!.ezy-build!.net!.nz/~shaneris Abused children often "act out" and some go on to become offenders, as adults!. ANGER MANAGEMENT: If you can't deal with it by using one of the techniques, such as counting backwards from 20, to 1, (and prevent yourself from making yourself angry, in the first place) is important to express that anger appropriately, at the time, and to the person who caused it, if possible, or immediately afterwards!. If not, maybe by walking away later, and bellowing your rage!. In some situations, such as work, or school, it might be better to cover your mouth with a cupped hand, bandanna/handkerchief, or use the crook of your elbow, to muffle the sound!. Some people find that it helps to journal those thoughts, and emotions soon afterwards!.
Anger, which is repressed, rather than healthily expressed, tends to fester, and later may cause explosive fits of rage, or depression!. It helps to have someone you can talk to!. For more physically inclined people, a punching bag, or hitting your pillow, can be an effective release mechanism: visualise, as vividly as you can, that you are striking back at the cause of that anger!. "But next time, when you get mad, just remember this quote: 'Those who anger you, conquer you!.' It's basically saying that when you give someone the power to make you mad, or let it get to you, it's like they're controlling you!. When I realized that, it made me mad, so I try to control my anger and not let people see it!. You can still control your anger without being walked all over!. You just have to draw a line!." Anger management is addressed in much more detail than can be included here, in section 4, at http://www!.ezy-build!.net!.nz/~shaneris!.!.!. including multiple weblinks!.
The following is worth trying, to see if you find it effective!. (It is a variant of EMDR therapy, which has been used successfully for those people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, insomnia, and anxiety: it is easily learned, quick to use, yet can be very effective)!. Prior to using either of the methods in the above paragraph, first sit comfortably, and take a deep breath!. Then, without moving your head, move your eyes from the left, to the right, and back again, taking around a second to do so (say: a thousand and one: this takes approximately a second)!. Repeat this procedure (without the words, although you can count, subvocally if you like) 20 times!.
Then close your eyes and relax!. Become aware of any tension or discomfort you feel!. Then open your eyes, and take another deep breath, and repeat step one, closing your eyes, and relaxing afterwards, in the same manner!. Then, repeat the procedure one last time!. Some people may find that this is all they need do!. With experience, you may find that you can practise this in public, with your eyes closed, which greatly widens the window of opportunity for its use, and avoids attracting unwanted attention!. See anxiety treatments, at ezy build (below) in section 6!. Set yourself a specific time period for worrying about anything, (say; a half an hour, or an hour, possibly when you get home in the evening, but not too close to bedtime) after which, resolve firmly to refuse to even entertain the thought of worrying again on that day: realise and accept that to do otherwise would be counterproductive to your mental health, and enjoyment of life!. You will have had your "worry time" for the day, and can just write down any more thoughts that come to mind, and say to yourself: "Well, I'll just have to worry about that tomorrow, won't I!?"!. It is important to deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, or images, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately!. When you notice something negative, such as: "I'm never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so pathetic/useless/such a loser!?" or even: "I can't do this/will never get the hang of this!", or a disturbing image, recognise that this is part of the mindset which will hold you back from progressing in your recovery!. Having identified and labelled it, I first visualise a large, flashing red "STOP!" SIGN, then I say to myself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick", instead of "tactic"!. In the case of an image, visualise a large, flashing red "STOP" sign, or your preferred version!. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary!. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method!.
Practice one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed!. Alternatively, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you!. There is also a version for use in public places, (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind)!. Section 53, and pages 2, 2!.q and 2!.o at http://www!.ezy-build!.net!.nz/~shaneris also refer: "Even though I sometimes suffer from anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself!." Neurofeedback treatment for anxiety is increasingly becoming available!. Herbal remedies, such as St!.John's wort, arctic root, or Valerian are often effective, but the idea is to use them like water wings, or training wheels on a bicycle, providing initial support, and giving time for other treatments, such as therapy, and relaxation techniques, to take effect!.
There is a saying in the mental health field; "if the only tool you have in your kit is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as a nail"!. So it goes with doctors, and their prescription pads: handy, quick, and convenient, when trying to manage a large list of patients, with very limited time for each!.
With anxiolytics (anti-anxiety medication, such as Lexapro, or Paxil, which treat both anxiety and depression) you are only addressing the symptoms, and even then, often only temporarily, as your system becomes used to it, and you have to accept the risks of an increased suicide/homicide rate, aberrant behaviour, and side effects, such as possible sexual dysfunction (common)!. For those reasons, I recommend first trying the alternatives, which not only treat the symptoms, using herbal remedies, or supplements like inositol, but the cause, as well, using EFT, and relaxation techniques!. The anxiolytics/antidepressants will still be there, should the alternatives prove insufficient for you!.
Remember, you are the only judge of the degree of severity of your anxiety, but I encounter peope's problems with medications here on a daily basis, so I recommend the above be used, first!. Making friends is addressed in section 9, see Wikihow!.com and search through the links at the foot of the page, for related articles!. MAKING FRIENDS: CONVERSATIONS AND FRIENDSHIPS!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Anger, which is repressed, rather than healthily expressed, tends to fester, and later may cause explosive fits of rage, or depression!. It helps to have someone you can talk to!. For more physically inclined people, a punching bag, or hitting your pillow, can be an effective release mechanism: visualise, as vividly as you can, that you are striking back at the cause of that anger!. "But next time, when you get mad, just remember this quote: 'Those who anger you, conquer you!.' It's basically saying that when you give someone the power to make you mad, or let it get to you, it's like they're controlling you!. When I realized that, it made me mad, so I try to control my anger and not let people see it!. You can still control your anger without being walked all over!. You just have to draw a line!." Anger management is addressed in much more detail than can be included here, in section 4, at http://www!.ezy-build!.net!.nz/~shaneris!.!.!. including multiple weblinks!.
The following is worth trying, to see if you find it effective!. (It is a variant of EMDR therapy, which has been used successfully for those people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, insomnia, and anxiety: it is easily learned, quick to use, yet can be very effective)!. Prior to using either of the methods in the above paragraph, first sit comfortably, and take a deep breath!. Then, without moving your head, move your eyes from the left, to the right, and back again, taking around a second to do so (say: a thousand and one: this takes approximately a second)!. Repeat this procedure (without the words, although you can count, subvocally if you like) 20 times!.
Then close your eyes and relax!. Become aware of any tension or discomfort you feel!. Then open your eyes, and take another deep breath, and repeat step one, closing your eyes, and relaxing afterwards, in the same manner!. Then, repeat the procedure one last time!. Some people may find that this is all they need do!. With experience, you may find that you can practise this in public, with your eyes closed, which greatly widens the window of opportunity for its use, and avoids attracting unwanted attention!. See anxiety treatments, at ezy build (below) in section 6!. Set yourself a specific time period for worrying about anything, (say; a half an hour, or an hour, possibly when you get home in the evening, but not too close to bedtime) after which, resolve firmly to refuse to even entertain the thought of worrying again on that day: realise and accept that to do otherwise would be counterproductive to your mental health, and enjoyment of life!. You will have had your "worry time" for the day, and can just write down any more thoughts that come to mind, and say to yourself: "Well, I'll just have to worry about that tomorrow, won't I!?"!. It is important to deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, or images, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately!. When you notice something negative, such as: "I'm never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so pathetic/useless/such a loser!?" or even: "I can't do this/will never get the hang of this!", or a disturbing image, recognise that this is part of the mindset which will hold you back from progressing in your recovery!. Having identified and labelled it, I first visualise a large, flashing red "STOP!" SIGN, then I say to myself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick", instead of "tactic"!. In the case of an image, visualise a large, flashing red "STOP" sign, or your preferred version!. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary!. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method!.
Practice one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed!. Alternatively, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you!. There is also a version for use in public places, (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind)!. Section 53, and pages 2, 2!.q and 2!.o at http://www!.ezy-build!.net!.nz/~shaneris also refer: "Even though I sometimes suffer from anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself!." Neurofeedback treatment for anxiety is increasingly becoming available!. Herbal remedies, such as St!.John's wort, arctic root, or Valerian are often effective, but the idea is to use them like water wings, or training wheels on a bicycle, providing initial support, and giving time for other treatments, such as therapy, and relaxation techniques, to take effect!.
There is a saying in the mental health field; "if the only tool you have in your kit is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as a nail"!. So it goes with doctors, and their prescription pads: handy, quick, and convenient, when trying to manage a large list of patients, with very limited time for each!.
With anxiolytics (anti-anxiety medication, such as Lexapro, or Paxil, which treat both anxiety and depression) you are only addressing the symptoms, and even then, often only temporarily, as your system becomes used to it, and you have to accept the risks of an increased suicide/homicide rate, aberrant behaviour, and side effects, such as possible sexual dysfunction (common)!. For those reasons, I recommend first trying the alternatives, which not only treat the symptoms, using herbal remedies, or supplements like inositol, but the cause, as well, using EFT, and relaxation techniques!. The anxiolytics/antidepressants will still be there, should the alternatives prove insufficient for you!.
Remember, you are the only judge of the degree of severity of your anxiety, but I encounter peope's problems with medications here on a daily basis, so I recommend the above be used, first!. Making friends is addressed in section 9, see Wikihow!.com and search through the links at the foot of the page, for related articles!. MAKING FRIENDS: CONVERSATIONS AND FRIENDSHIPS!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
it's actually normal for brothers and sisters to experiment sexually at a young age!. it's of course not encouraged, it's just curiosity!.
don't worry about it, its in the past and that's where it will stay!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
don't worry about it, its in the past and that's where it will stay!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
LOTS if not all kids play doctor!. At age 7-10 I don't think its that big a deal!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
No!. You were just traumatized!. Don't worry, a few good friends is FAR better than a lot of lousy ones!. And your life sounds like a terrible, terrible movie!. I am very sorry!. :(Www@Answer-Health@Com
The only real sex offender is your uncle!. And I don't know how you "played doctor" with your brother and sister so I can't really tell if you are actually a sex offender!.
That sucks about what happened to you by the way!. My mother had the same experience with her uncle growing up in Mexico!. It's sad that people can't be safe with their own family members!.
"Fly towards the sun"!.
VIVA LA RAZA!Www@Answer-Health@Com
That sucks about what happened to you by the way!. My mother had the same experience with her uncle growing up in Mexico!. It's sad that people can't be safe with their own family members!.
"Fly towards the sun"!.
VIVA LA RAZA!Www@Answer-Health@Com
I am TRULY SORRY you went through that!.
NO - you are NOT sex offender by playing "doctor" at that age!.!.!.!.seriously, it's normal for kids to play doctor!.
I raised two boys - now men and have TWO grandbabies!.
Again, I'm sorry you went through it!.!.!.!.!.if I was your mom, I would be on the "WAR PATH"Www@Answer-Health@Com
NO - you are NOT sex offender by playing "doctor" at that age!.!.!.!.seriously, it's normal for kids to play doctor!.
I raised two boys - now men and have TWO grandbabies!.
Again, I'm sorry you went through it!.!.!.!.!.if I was your mom, I would be on the "WAR PATH"Www@Answer-Health@Com
only if you are still doing it at this age
if not never mess with it again and ask God forgiveness and your family
God Bless you
now put it all behind you and have a wonderful lifeWww@Answer-Health@Com
if not never mess with it again and ask God forgiveness and your family
God Bless you
now put it all behind you and have a wonderful lifeWww@Answer-Health@Com
No, you are not a sex offender!.!.!. i suggest you see a therapist!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
God is the best counselor and best Father!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
girl no u r not
but some1 should get a hold of ur uncle and teach him a lesson
and the same shiiiiiiit happened to me
the exact same
and it started when i was 4 or 5 also
but it wasnt my uncle
mother's boyfriends and such
u'll be ok just pray
and know that
whever u r going thru there is someone who is going thru worse so try to reach out to other victims
regardsWww@Answer-Health@Com
but some1 should get a hold of ur uncle and teach him a lesson
and the same shiiiiiiit happened to me
the exact same
and it started when i was 4 or 5 also
but it wasnt my uncle
mother's boyfriends and such
u'll be ok just pray
and know that
whever u r going thru there is someone who is going thru worse so try to reach out to other victims
regardsWww@Answer-Health@Com
How old are you now!? My best advice is to open the phone book and call a psycho therapist, any psycho therapist, leave a message saying you want therapy!. If you are a kid, talk to the therapist on the phone explain exactly as you did above and pose your question to that person!. Don't try to let yourself off the hook by saying that you persuaded them, so it really was there choice!. Let the therapist decide that!.
Now, what you can accomplish by doing the above is A)Finding out if they think you are an abuser that needs help!.
B)Find out resources that will help you become your best self!.
I get the sense that you have been/or are in therapy is that true!?!?!? Add details!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Now, what you can accomplish by doing the above is A)Finding out if they think you are an abuser that needs help!.
B)Find out resources that will help you become your best self!.
I get the sense that you have been/or are in therapy is that true!?!?!? Add details!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Children do what they see adults do, sounds like at that age you didn't know that it wasn't natural!. Hopefully you know right from wrong now!. Keep your family away from your uncle, YOU need to see how your siblings feel and if they have forgiven you, then you need to work on forgiving yourself!. Strive to make life better and in making your life something you will be proud of!. Good Luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
No, no, NO, you are not a sex offender for acting out on your siblings!. Many children who are sexually abused, violated, or molested at a young age act out sexual acts on their siblings and friends!. MANY children, trust me!. And at 7-10 you were still just a child!. You were confused!. Do not beat yourself up about this!. The sex offender is your uncle!. NOT you!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
you need to go to therapy and resolve your abuse issues or they will haunt you for the rest of your life!. You did not say how old you are now so I cannot comment further about the possibility of you being a sex offender or if you still live with your siblings etc!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I am so proud of you for being aware of what is going on in your head!. That cannot be easy to deal with!. "Experimenting" is something that so many of us do, but would never speak aloud about!. I was born a sexual person!. I can remember sexual activity at 6!. Goes to show you, we are all different!. That is the past, you need to worry about tomorrow!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
dont worry about "doctor"!.!.!.i did the same **** when i was that age (im now 16) and i turned out ok!. everyone does it!. now if you start molesting little kids, then that would make you a sex offender!. but if it was a past event, dont dwell on it!.
considering u had such a horrible experience, i think you should talk to a psychologist!.!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
considering u had such a horrible experience, i think you should talk to a psychologist!.!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
No you are not!. Absolutely not!. You were a CHILD!. Doing childish things!. I'm sorry about your situation!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
A child does things like this!. They are curious and want to know!. No!. You are not a sex offender!. This uncle of yours needs to be confronted!. If he did it to you, he most likely has done it to others!. You're okay!. If it is causing you a lot of problems, see a therapist to put it in its place!. Good luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think from a legal standpoint : you were ALL minors & like others have said it's normal for some kids to do that out of curiousity!. I think to be an actual sex offender you have to know you're commiting a sex crime & know it's wrong!. At that age you would not be considered an offender!. I am VERY sorry for what your uncle did!. I hope he was porsecuted!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
i think that it is a natural thing and i am proud for not killing your self like my uncle didWww@Answer-Health@Com
no!. its ur uncles fault!. i hope u pressed charges!. if not find a good lawyer but dont dont them the part where u played doctor unless u would trust them w/ ur very life!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You are not a sex offender for "playing doctor" with you little brother & sister when you yourself were a little kid!. You were only in elementary school! First of all, YOU WERE A CHILD!. To be sex offender, you have to be an adult (or at least a teenager who is old enough to be considered an adult!--maybe 16)!. If you were an adult forcing little kids to perform sexual acts, THEN you would be a sex offender!. But you weren't!. Second of all, many little kids are naturally curious about their bodies, and "play doctor" with each other, so what you were doing could have been considered perfectly normal!. I think you are just confused about what is considered normal behavior and what isn't in this instance, because of what happened to you!. Unfortunately, a very bad thing happened to you!. Someone took advantage of you at a very young age, and now you don't really know what is "normal" so to speak!. That's not to say that YOU aren't normal, but that now you just question everything you do!. I am so sorry that this happened to you!. Please, keep believing in yourself, and keep trying to live your life the best you can!. I hope someday you ARE able to look others in the eye, because this wasn't your fault!! Your uncle is the one who shouldn't be able to look other people in the eye!. Just remember you were an innocent child (4 years old!!) and did NOTHING wrong!. Unfortunately, sometimes in this world it is the most innocent people that get taken advantage of, and hurt the most!. My heart is breaking for you right now!. I am making a wish for you now that you will find some way through this!. Hang in there, and try to seek out the people that care for you!. I know it is probably hard for you to trust people, but if you even have a few good people you can trust in your life, I think it will make things easier!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Goodness no! You aren't a sex offender! Although I think maybe you do have issues regarding sex that probably come from your awful experience!. I really hope you find a way to get through it!. But aside from the true idiots (and there are many, MANY of them on Yahoo Answers) I don't think anyone else thinks you are a sex offender!. You were just a child!. Good luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
you are hardly a sex offender, at that age nobody could be a sex offender!.
I'm so sorry to hear about the incedent that happened when you were four, nobody should have to go through that ordeal!.
It is perfectly normal for children at that age to play "doctor", it is just curiousity!.
I hope you can overcome your problems!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I'm so sorry to hear about the incedent that happened when you were four, nobody should have to go through that ordeal!.
It is perfectly normal for children at that age to play "doctor", it is just curiousity!.
I hope you can overcome your problems!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I split into a number of personalities and God healed me!. So young and so vulnerable!. u long to be the same again!. Go to church, God can heal u but it does not always happen overnight!. if it did we would all be walking around perfect!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
i used to play doctor with my friend when we were about 6 or 7Www@Answer-Health@Com
I agree that you were traumatized and children play doctor at that age!. however, having been molested at such a young age, and obviously still dealing with the emotional fall out, it is time to seek professional help!. Will they lock you up if you tell them what you did with your brother and sister!? No, not at all!. But definately get counseling so you can learn the social skills you need and increase the quality of life!. Depending on your therapist's advice maybe family counseling down the road, a chance to apologize if you stilll feel the need!. The true sex offender is your uncle!. How do you know he did not do that to other family members, please accept my sympathies for your trauma and seek the help you need and deserve!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
This forum is for answering questions!. It is not for providing therapy for deep-seated emotional and mental conditions!.
You really need to speak with an experienced counselor to work through this issue!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You really need to speak with an experienced counselor to work through this issue!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
GROSSWww@Answer-Health@Com
Honestly yes but things like this u sometimes get over!. Try not to think about it that much and see how it goes and just try to forgive yourself for what has happened!. The past is the past and you need to forget about it!.That's how most people deal with their problems!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Brothers and sisters will sometimes experiment, exploring sexuality!.In some families where boundaries and roles aren't clear it's much more likely to see brother's and sisters who have "played doctor"like you did!.!.But there is a line labeling abusive sexual behavior for young children!.
This doesn't mean there can't be emotional damage; it might be a good idea for you to get some professional counseling!.It will help you!.It will make you feel better!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
This doesn't mean there can't be emotional damage; it might be a good idea for you to get some professional counseling!.It will help you!.It will make you feel better!.Www@Answer-Health@Com