Can having an "Empty Nest" affect a woman mentally?!
Question: I'm trying really hard to understand my MIL who is trying so hard to get attention (DRama)
She claims we don't help her with her other (youngest) son. He is 21 living with his wife who is pregnant. What help could they possibly need but privacy?
My theory is that she's alone now and is having a hard time coping with the fact that her kids don't depend on her anymore (she was a single mother and is still single)
How can we help her or would it be best to stay out of it..maybe take her out to dinner once every I dont' know what (my husband takes her out anyway once in a while, I just stay home on my PC)
Answers: I'm trying really hard to understand my MIL who is trying so hard to get attention (DRama)
She claims we don't help her with her other (youngest) son. He is 21 living with his wife who is pregnant. What help could they possibly need but privacy?
My theory is that she's alone now and is having a hard time coping with the fact that her kids don't depend on her anymore (she was a single mother and is still single)
How can we help her or would it be best to stay out of it..maybe take her out to dinner once every I dont' know what (my husband takes her out anyway once in a while, I just stay home on my PC)
As a single mother who's going to stay single I have made plans for my life when my youngest moves out. In about 2 to 4 years depending if she goes away to college or not. But yes, your mother in law needs to find another purpose to her life or she'll find herself becoming the mother in law from hell. Talk to your husband and find out the type of things that she was interested in while they were younger, When my girls were younger I was their girl scout leader, I was a tutor at their schools and since my girls all have learning disabilites I became an advocate for children with disabilites. All of these things I can continue to do when my daughter moves out. I can still have contact with children yet not depend on my children to give my life fulfillment as MOMMY!! I'll always be MOM and they will need me on some level just not the same level. I can than become freinds with them and relate to them as adults something I spent those last 18+ years working for.
So I would sit down with your husband and brother and sister in law and talk to them, present a united front but do it gently. Remind your mother in law that she's accomplished what she started out to how ever many years ago. That she has to have faith in the way that she's rasied the boys and if you have a sister in law them also. She has to move on to the next stage of her life and she might want to plan to do some of the things that she had wanted to do when the children were younger but couldn't. She may have forgotten about those dreams, have the kids help her remember them and than maybe the boys could help contribute to a travel fund or some thing similar. She needs to find new goals and purposes in her life that she can put on the front burner as the children move to the back. OF course they are still important but now she can spend time on her self.
I'm counting down the days till my teens turn 18 lol....How about her getting a dog or cat to keep her company and for her to take care of?
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Hello,,not being able to communicate daily to your children does have some effect on your feelings of being needed or wanted, and after the realization sets in it is very hard sometimes not to have the sense of loss and to perhaps become depressed or withdrawn into some other realm of life.
yes. i really think it is the empty nest.
I'd say that perhaps give her some attention to ease her into things but essentially it's her own life she will have to engage.
If you really want to do something about it, see what her interests are and if perhaps you share any in common you could connect with her that way. It's best that she get her independence back in my opinion (if she ever had any or else find some) but that may not even be something she wants or recognizes she could have. her whole identity might be as "mom".
I'm a mom and I've thought about and prepared myself, currently preparing myself, for the day mine are gone. I can't wait really, cause I don't want to suffer from empty nest syndrome. I feel for her. Her whole life has changed and she needs to change with it.
maybe the pregnant DIL is okay with the extra attention. did you ask or do you already know? Above all, be kind :P