What are you afraid of ?!
Question: My biggest fear is trying things which I need to do to advance my life. Like looking for a career-path job, getting a place of my own, taking tests to get certified in a particular profession, learning to rely on my own opinion rather than ask everyone I know to help make a decision for me.
It can be traced back through my entire life and my relationship with my parents. Every time anything ever goes wrong in my life - until this day - my parents SCREAM at me like I'm 5 years old and just vandalized something for no reason. They always put the idea in my head that all the difficulty in my life is because of me. Now, in most cases, that is true of all people... but they will blame things on me over which I have no control... hmm, actually, maybe I need to think this out more and write it out... maybe I'm attributing more of this to them than I should be...
For now, here's an example. About a year and a half ago, I started work for a lawyer with a solo practice in the field of law I want to form my career in. He has been in the field for over 40 years, he teaches courses on it at local law schools... I thought it was the perfect opportunity to build my career.
So I left a job in public service which I enjoyed but which did not pay very well and I didn't want to make a career of it. Within a week of working for him, I found out he was scamming defenseless elderly people out of a lot of their money by padding his bills and having them commit to things that would cost them more and put money in his pocket rather than tell them they had a much cheaper option available. I told my parents about it and said I didn't think I could stay there because I couldn't compromise my ethics.
Now, my parents raised me in a strictly religious and Christian home. I went to church every Sunday growing up and I'm still an altar boy to this day (when I'm not too tired to get up like I was this morning). You would think such people would be supportive of me in my effort to do the ethical thing.
Before I quit there, they told me things like this:
"You don't know what you're doing, all lawyers do that, you're going to have to learn to deal with it" - implying that the ideals they taught me growing up were just theories we liked to talk about in church and pretend to believe. But in real life, no one is like that and you have to give up your stupid ideas that such things really happen.
"Don't complain to us after you quit and you are unemployed forever" - which is the ultimate vote of NO confidence; to be told by your own parents that you'll be unemployed which means they have no faith that you'll be hired into another position. And a total LACK of showing of support when you are making a decision in life to do the right thing even if it will be difficult on you by saying they won't be emotionally supportive if you struggle as a result of standing up for your principles... which THEY taught you in the first place.
"Ask your brother what he thinks" - implying I am not capable of making my own decision or understanding things well enough to figure it out. Implying "You are stupid and your brother is smart. Don't trust your own decisions, you're wrong."
I know they told me several other things and yelled at me for trying to stand up for what I was always taught was right but I don't remember the specifics right now. Eventually you just go numb and stop listening when people are working so hard to tear you apart.
But, I must explain their reason for doing it. I have depression, I've have had job difficulty in the past, I'm in my mid-30s, I have never lived on my own, and they are PANICKING that I will never be able to take care of myself when they are gone. So, they did it out of fear and a desire to keep me on a track which will lead me to stop being dependent on them.
BUT, that's the problem. When people act out of fear they usually try to cut corners and make bad decisions in their state of panic. Instead of making it more likely that I will learn to be independent, they made it less likely by teaching me that I can't trust my own judgment and if something goes wrong as a result of my decisions, it will be the end of the world. By teaching me that, they paralyzed me against making my own decisions. I have a debilitating fear of making my own decisions because of this event and the dozens of similar events that happened to me throughout my life. So now, to avoid getting yelled at and to avoid creating a catastrophic problem in my life, I avoid making any decisions or taking any risks.
Ultimately though, the message they sent was "Don't make decisions for yourself because you obviously don't know how. Don't trust your judgment and dare to take a risk in life. If you make that decision and something bad happens as a result, that will be catastrophic." It is all very debilitating.
Now, I am finally working on understanding it all and realizing that making a bad decision in life on occasion will not kill me. I'm finally learning that it is worth it to try to make the right decision and take the risk of the unknown and not be terrified of what might happen as a result. It will be a very difficult thing to do... but I'm working on it. Because, ultimately, the only person I will always have to deal with is me. Thanks for asking the question, that helped me sort out a lot of my thoughts.
Answers: My biggest fear is trying things which I need to do to advance my life. Like looking for a career-path job, getting a place of my own, taking tests to get certified in a particular profession, learning to rely on my own opinion rather than ask everyone I know to help make a decision for me.
It can be traced back through my entire life and my relationship with my parents. Every time anything ever goes wrong in my life - until this day - my parents SCREAM at me like I'm 5 years old and just vandalized something for no reason. They always put the idea in my head that all the difficulty in my life is because of me. Now, in most cases, that is true of all people... but they will blame things on me over which I have no control... hmm, actually, maybe I need to think this out more and write it out... maybe I'm attributing more of this to them than I should be...
For now, here's an example. About a year and a half ago, I started work for a lawyer with a solo practice in the field of law I want to form my career in. He has been in the field for over 40 years, he teaches courses on it at local law schools... I thought it was the perfect opportunity to build my career.
So I left a job in public service which I enjoyed but which did not pay very well and I didn't want to make a career of it. Within a week of working for him, I found out he was scamming defenseless elderly people out of a lot of their money by padding his bills and having them commit to things that would cost them more and put money in his pocket rather than tell them they had a much cheaper option available. I told my parents about it and said I didn't think I could stay there because I couldn't compromise my ethics.
Now, my parents raised me in a strictly religious and Christian home. I went to church every Sunday growing up and I'm still an altar boy to this day (when I'm not too tired to get up like I was this morning). You would think such people would be supportive of me in my effort to do the ethical thing.
Before I quit there, they told me things like this:
"You don't know what you're doing, all lawyers do that, you're going to have to learn to deal with it" - implying that the ideals they taught me growing up were just theories we liked to talk about in church and pretend to believe. But in real life, no one is like that and you have to give up your stupid ideas that such things really happen.
"Don't complain to us after you quit and you are unemployed forever" - which is the ultimate vote of NO confidence; to be told by your own parents that you'll be unemployed which means they have no faith that you'll be hired into another position. And a total LACK of showing of support when you are making a decision in life to do the right thing even if it will be difficult on you by saying they won't be emotionally supportive if you struggle as a result of standing up for your principles... which THEY taught you in the first place.
"Ask your brother what he thinks" - implying I am not capable of making my own decision or understanding things well enough to figure it out. Implying "You are stupid and your brother is smart. Don't trust your own decisions, you're wrong."
I know they told me several other things and yelled at me for trying to stand up for what I was always taught was right but I don't remember the specifics right now. Eventually you just go numb and stop listening when people are working so hard to tear you apart.
But, I must explain their reason for doing it. I have depression, I've have had job difficulty in the past, I'm in my mid-30s, I have never lived on my own, and they are PANICKING that I will never be able to take care of myself when they are gone. So, they did it out of fear and a desire to keep me on a track which will lead me to stop being dependent on them.
BUT, that's the problem. When people act out of fear they usually try to cut corners and make bad decisions in their state of panic. Instead of making it more likely that I will learn to be independent, they made it less likely by teaching me that I can't trust my own judgment and if something goes wrong as a result of my decisions, it will be the end of the world. By teaching me that, they paralyzed me against making my own decisions. I have a debilitating fear of making my own decisions because of this event and the dozens of similar events that happened to me throughout my life. So now, to avoid getting yelled at and to avoid creating a catastrophic problem in my life, I avoid making any decisions or taking any risks.
Ultimately though, the message they sent was "Don't make decisions for yourself because you obviously don't know how. Don't trust your judgment and dare to take a risk in life. If you make that decision and something bad happens as a result, that will be catastrophic." It is all very debilitating.
Now, I am finally working on understanding it all and realizing that making a bad decision in life on occasion will not kill me. I'm finally learning that it is worth it to try to make the right decision and take the risk of the unknown and not be terrified of what might happen as a result. It will be a very difficult thing to do... but I'm working on it. Because, ultimately, the only person I will always have to deal with is me. Thanks for asking the question, that helped me sort out a lot of my thoughts.
Uh.. OH...
I am afraid of death !
a-a sc-scary st-story wh-why
Dumb questions on this forum. And my cat stalking me while I sleep...
Hangovers! Aargh!
nothing. i am afraid of nothing.
I'm afraid of "growing up" (I'm 29 and still in school) and being poor and lonely.
im afraid of the dark but only the pitch black dark because you cant see whats around you so you wouldnt see anything coming at you/for you etc etc i think its one of the most terrifying things ever
i absolutly hate sharks !!! they really scare me
I am afraid of weird loser people... So that makes most of the world! huh?
Dying
Not living up to my parents expectations
Making a fool out of myself
Losing my friends
Failing my degree
Never recovering
My house burning down
Spiders
People finding out
Murderers and rapists
Bird Flu.
PEOPLE, Heights, Clowns, Dark
global warming, my ex, Korea, the president, dying painfully, anything bad happening to my little boy, drilling in anwar, christians, the Mormons that go door to door, drug addicts, the healthcare system in America, lots of things
snakes
airplanes
sharks
fire
guns,knives,violence
tornados
success, and the hard work it takes to get there. Its easier to say I cant, and be lazy and procrastinate, and tell myself its too hard, , its too long, and costs too much ect... Its easier to be average than outstanding. And if I do succeed, then all eyes are on me, and what if I fail? Who will i dissapoint? Its easier to not do anything, its SAFE. Success can be scary. Its comfortable.
living a lie and forgetting something important
SHARP OBJECTS
and
death
plz help me
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
SPIDERS
nothing is scarier than spiders
Spiders, Birds and Losing the people i Love the most x
One word LIGHTNING.
There goes Mister Eus with a long A.
Good one, man.