Please help?? How do I get back some confidence after years of been put down???!
Question: Hi,
You answered my question so kindly, and you really understood. From that, it is clear to me that very few people have gone through what you have, and as you rightly say, you have conquered it, and emerged a far better person. That in itself is a reason to feel brilliant about yourself, whatever anyone else says. It is indeed what I am striving to achieve. Unfortunately, when you go out into the real world, despite your self-improvement, you may still lack confidence from the isolation of depression, for in our society jumping about, being loud in nightclubs with unjustifiably inflated egos is viewed as the attractive thing to do, while being quiet and somewhat lacking in confidence is regarded as weak, regardless of the causes. New people you meet are not going to know about your struggles, and your inner strength which has got over them, so please, though it is easier said than done, never let anyone put you down, as they hardly know anything about you, most of what they say will be nonsense. Try and sift out the good people whom YOU actually want in your life and ignore the rest. What I'm saying is, your outer strength and confidence may be dashed, but your inner self is far far more developed than anyone who has had an empty life of casual fun and little to no character building experiences.
In terms of other things you can do to get confidence, I believe that you have to actually do and achieve things to gain true confidence in yourself. It's all well and good that people tell you to post notes about how great you are round the house or whatever, but will that really change anything? If there's ever been anything you wanted to do, but were too scared because it is so ambitious or daunting a task, do it. Even if you fail, salute yourself for trying. Write a novel, paint a picture, learn a language, get more qualifications, travel to your dream destination - whatever it is you want, do it and give it your all. I hope this helps at least a bit. Good luck.
Answers: Hi,
You answered my question so kindly, and you really understood. From that, it is clear to me that very few people have gone through what you have, and as you rightly say, you have conquered it, and emerged a far better person. That in itself is a reason to feel brilliant about yourself, whatever anyone else says. It is indeed what I am striving to achieve. Unfortunately, when you go out into the real world, despite your self-improvement, you may still lack confidence from the isolation of depression, for in our society jumping about, being loud in nightclubs with unjustifiably inflated egos is viewed as the attractive thing to do, while being quiet and somewhat lacking in confidence is regarded as weak, regardless of the causes. New people you meet are not going to know about your struggles, and your inner strength which has got over them, so please, though it is easier said than done, never let anyone put you down, as they hardly know anything about you, most of what they say will be nonsense. Try and sift out the good people whom YOU actually want in your life and ignore the rest. What I'm saying is, your outer strength and confidence may be dashed, but your inner self is far far more developed than anyone who has had an empty life of casual fun and little to no character building experiences.
In terms of other things you can do to get confidence, I believe that you have to actually do and achieve things to gain true confidence in yourself. It's all well and good that people tell you to post notes about how great you are round the house or whatever, but will that really change anything? If there's ever been anything you wanted to do, but were too scared because it is so ambitious or daunting a task, do it. Even if you fail, salute yourself for trying. Write a novel, paint a picture, learn a language, get more qualifications, travel to your dream destination - whatever it is you want, do it and give it your all. I hope this helps at least a bit. Good luck.
Try new things and succeed at them
write a list of all the things that are good about yourself and add 1 new thing to it every night. and read the list every morning!
also just pampering yourself and trying something new is always a feel good method!
I think you should go out and buy new clothes ;
when i wear something new i want to show it off . and it boosts my confidence .
also get a great hairstyle .
something that you like , you walk around with it + you love it it will most definitely boost it [:
Get to liking yourself than all the rest will fall into place.
talk to the lord
do good stuff which you think people can be proud at you about. help the needy.
How old are you? if you are in school, start hanging out with people who like you for you, probably people not from your elementry school, etc. if you are an adult, just have fun and try to meet people at your job! good luck!
tomorrow morning...wake up to a brand new day.....decide you are better than yesterday...set some new goals are starting working towards them..once a goal is reached add a new one...you were put on this earth for a reason and don't let anyone tell you different...i've been there but i'll be darned if i am going to let those peoiple get to me....theres alot of us out here cheering for you....GO FOR IT
Write a book, for yourself. In it, write down all the bad things you think, and would say about the people who put you down!You could publish this, and spread it around, but that might just cause more problems.Or you could just show it to a few new friends. After you do this, you will feel like you can move on because, you can always close the book and put it away.
this is hard iwent through this when i was younger im 50 now and i set small goals for myself accomplishing tyhings help build your self estem e mail me ill talk to you more
Been there, done that! :) It's not easy and it doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen!
After 10 years in an abusive marriage, I wasn't feeling too confident either.
I bought my own new house for me and my two sons -- that was a big boost! (scary, too)
I worked really hard at my job and got promoted.
I went back to college and finally finished my degree.
I exercised, got into shape, and enjoyed all those happy endorphins you get from working out.
I did get a new hairstyle and bought a few new clothes -- those things are only temporary high though, and when the credit card bill came I felt worse than ever. Avoid falling into that trap and get your kicks from within, not from material things.
I listened to music a lot, music that said something to me and made me feel good. Stuff that I loved was The Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge, Wynonna Judd, Patty Loveless -- lyrics about overcoming and kicking a**!
I read a few self-help books. Most of what I read, I already knew. Knowing and putting into action are two different things. You have to work at it. Give yourself a good talking to and talk positive to yourself every day!
If you live alone, put post-it notes around your house with self-affirming messages on them. Short and sweet, like "You look fabulous!" "You can do anything you put your mind to!" "You go girl!" etc. List your special skills and abilities (your strengths) on some notes. The notes will remind you of all the good things about you and they'll also make you smile or laugh.
Smile and laugh every chance you get -- until it becomes second nature!
Just keep living and doing, and pretty soon you'll find your confidence and your shine again. :)
try to remember that those people are week and insecure.
trying to make themselves feel or look better by putting u down.
how very sad for them, they are most unhappy if u can find it in your heart to forgive their actions and know that they are the ones who need help.
that will be ur 1st step
a good person would not put down another person.
good luck....
Buy a gun. Take it to a gun club. It's very satisfying. Also, try taking up a hobby like gardening, running or both. Theres a lot to learn and it can be very rewarding when you accomplish certain tasks. It's good for your body and it will give your confidence a boost.
This is what I did..Look in a mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough, smart enough and damn it people like you..It works. You might feel a weired doing it but it helps. I also write in a journal..Just let all of your feelings and thoughts out..just write and write..I did this too and It helps..the best thing is no one can read your journal..
look at your local college for course such as "building self confidence"
Also, cut yourself from people who lead you to that situation