Will my nephew be damaged? (witnessed my sister and BIL fighting)?!
Question: My sister and her husband got into a big fight yesterday in front of my nephew. (I know, authorities should have been called, but I wasn't there) Anyway, he is about 16 months old. He saw my sister pushed down, her punch her husband, and her husband punch holes in two doors and throw a chair. (Please, don't say anything about their parenting, they might fight each other, but they would never hurt their son) I'm just wondering if, at his age, this will have any effects on him, or if he'll just forget it and never remember it happened? My sister was very upset that he saw them..they thought he was asleep. (Again, people fight sometimes, but that's their marriage, not ours..I just want to know about my nephew.) Thanks.
Answers: My sister and her husband got into a big fight yesterday in front of my nephew. (I know, authorities should have been called, but I wasn't there) Anyway, he is about 16 months old. He saw my sister pushed down, her punch her husband, and her husband punch holes in two doors and throw a chair. (Please, don't say anything about their parenting, they might fight each other, but they would never hurt their son) I'm just wondering if, at his age, this will have any effects on him, or if he'll just forget it and never remember it happened? My sister was very upset that he saw them..they thought he was asleep. (Again, people fight sometimes, but that's their marriage, not ours..I just want to know about my nephew.) Thanks.
It's unlikely that one such event would have a profound effect on him, but if that's the way he sees people behaving, then yes, it will profoundly affect the way he sees the world and his behavior as an adult, children tend to pattern themselves after the behavior they see around them, and that means their parents, so witnessing them physically attack eachother is not going to set the best example for him.
It might scare him for a while, but over time, he will forget it, he's too young to really remember it. Another thing, it sounds like you are making a lot of excuses for your sister and brother in laws behavior, which isn't good.
from experience.
i dont actually remember it happening but i always have dreams about my parents fighting and its always the same dream and i asked them about it and it actually happened when i was like 14 months and they were shocked that i now am remembering it after 14 years so i am...whats the word...i dont know but like il remember this fight forever
but if he does remember it
it wont be for a long time.
but i hear ususally since their so young they dont even know whats happening but in my case i didnt know what was happening but i am now having flash backs.
it just depends on what kind of person your nephew is (too early to know)
Of course it will affect him! Children who grow up in households where the parents physically assault each other unfortunately grow up to be physical abusers themselves. You say they would not hurt their son, they are hurting him by behaving in such a horrible manner. Yes, people fight, but when it regresses to physical abuse, help is needed in the form of counseling immediately. What your sister and husband are doing is tantamount to child abuse.
There is evidence that any type of fighting that causes stress and physiological changes in a child can be damaging. The fighting is also damaging to all parties. Domestic Violence is never an answer to problems and does terrible damage to children. The false idea that children are asleep or wouldn't know what is happening is a simplistic justification. Are children deaf and stupid? Of course not but they do take the fight on and blame themselves. Adults do disagree and sometimes with great feelings and passion but there is no excuse for violence. Children react and respond to their environment both internal (in their own head and body) and external (out of their body like parents, pets, loved objects). Children hear and see all but cannot process the information. The Best thing this couple can do is go to a coach, couselor, minister, professional and ask for help to settle arguements in a clear and less harmful manner. As they learn to help themselves, they will reduce the harm to their child. There is time to have a correction.
Not sure what you mean by "damaged" but.....
Considering that there is now a precedence for violence in the family, it is (most likely) bound to happen again. Which means that in the long run there is a possibility of him getting physically hurt whether by accident or eventually, as he gets older, by getting involved ("Don't hit my mom/dad!" followed by physical violence to the child because of the heat of the moment.) It doesn't matter whether you preface this situation with "they would never hurt their son." Unfortunately, it can and does happen.
Long term, if the violence does continue, then yes, there could be consequences within your nephew's life both physically or mentally. Short term consequences from this incident could include a rise in your nephew's anxiety level, possible behavior issues, and more.
As for brushing off the behavior of your sister and BIL, yes, people do fight, but violence is sign of something else that is terribly wrong. They need to seek counseling.