Only answer if you have been emotionally abused ...?!
Question: do you feel like me ?
where his love is fake, hes just trying to build you up soo he can take you down with degrading words and threats.
where he trys to turn the family aganst eachother. he blames me, they blame me. he is very smart at what he does.
where its a cycle, one for me that lasted 17 years from my dad. he is leaving in 2 weeks but is making the last weeks very hard for me. even physicly hurt me for the first time on christmas.. and im not raising my moms stress by calling the cops.
Answers: do you feel like me ?
where his love is fake, hes just trying to build you up soo he can take you down with degrading words and threats.
where he trys to turn the family aganst eachother. he blames me, they blame me. he is very smart at what he does.
where its a cycle, one for me that lasted 17 years from my dad. he is leaving in 2 weeks but is making the last weeks very hard for me. even physicly hurt me for the first time on christmas.. and im not raising my moms stress by calling the cops.
He's just an abuser. Is he like this towards your mom??? There is an author named LUNDY BANCROFT and he really knows the abuser and categorizes them perfectly. It helps to know what you're up against. I'm really sorry. I just can't see how no onw knows he does this. You really need to talk to your mom and let her know what's going on. You need support. Are there any friends you could go to if your mom won't help? Good luck!
hang out with people you enjoy being around. avoid him, spend lots of time with your mom out of the house.
I've been there. Be safe please and if it gets worse call the cops. Stand up for yourself, therapy helped me. happy New Year.
yes I have been and I have felt that way and it sucks. it affects everything and I am so sorry you're feeling this way. On a positive note though, once you get away from it and start living your life without all the constant put downs and bad feelings you do actually get to feel better.
sometimes the people around him are just as guilty as he is for standing by and not doing anything about it.... in years to come you will be happy hun, in years to come for him he will find another muse and will always remain unhappy. Get yourself some counseling after you leave its a lot of years of abuse and it will let you learn to talk about it and help others.
do you live with this creep because you need to get the hell away from him. That is what emotional abuse does. Does he insult you and be mean and then if you say something he tells you that you misunderstood him. That another cute little trick so even when you try and stick up for yourself he tells you you've got it all wrong. He is sick and he needs help but that is not your job to fix him. Trust me I know I grew up in a house like that where my mother tried harder and harder to please my scumbag stepfather and he just became meaner and more abusive. **** him!! Live your life without someone trying to control you and keep you down
i think that you just need to stand up for yourself and dont let anyone abuse or take advantage of you. there are good guys out there who can treat you better and im sure you deserve to be happy so make it happen for yourself.
He a manipulator.He likes to keep you under his thumb.
This isn't worth the crap.Its up to you and your Mom to halt this.
be stronger then he. Do it with candor and confidence. It really messes them up
YOU are a minor, and should not have to take charge. Your mom should. But if she is unable to for whatever reason, YOU need to get some help from a social worker or trusted relative in your area. Do something to protect yourself.
Protect your mind by knowing that he's the one with the problem and not you or your mom. These people are toxic and damaging. Your life will get better when he leaves. Avoid him and have no further contact with him after that time. If he starts to hurt your mom then you may need to call the cops if physical violence is involved.
I hope you find your way through this situation quickly and find some peace in your life.
We all agree on one thing...You are being mentally/physically abused. It starts with YOU...
You need to get out of this relationship ASAP!
No one can help you if you don't help yourself. The cycle needs to be broken. If not now then when. PLEASE remember this. " The Blessing is in the Pressing" Move-on and keeping pressing for a better life for yourself. You deserve better. Life is too short. Learn to Love yourself, only then will you be able to LIVE!
Much Love!
He kept you around with intermittant reinforcement. Little bits of "love" to counteract the nasty treatment. I know it works, I've been there. Don't be too hard on yourself. When you love someone like this, it's impossible to see them for what they really are. Until the day you wake up. Try to be glad he is leaving. Imagine, there's a nice man out there who WON'T treat you like that. Get yourself ready, mentally, emotionally and physically, for him ;)
You can know that this excuse for a father of yours has an extremely low self image and can only feel better by degrading you. It gives him a sense of power. He is a very sorry man indeed to need to hurt his own child. I pray that these two weeks will go very fast for you and your mom. Then it would benefit you both to go for some counseling to recover from his abusive treatment. I hope the two of you will go. Hang in there and help your mom be strong too.
Sounds like a lot of Dads.
Look, this may sound really strange, but...
He does love you.
But, he has a sick way of showing it.
In my experience, some Dads have a really difficult time showing love for their children.
I think it goes back to when we're born. For awhile it was the Happily Married Couple - working all the time, having fun, going out, making love, spending money - going on lots of vacations to exotic places. Then Momma has a child.
What happens?
Lots of work. Feedings. Lots of work to take care of the kids. Spending lots of money on the kids, no going out all the time, no more exotic vacations, no more making love all the time. Dad's jealous of baby. Dad's jealous of child.
This goes on and on.
More children. More problems.
Dad loves the kids, But.......
Then kids reach their teens. The Daughters are beautiful. They stir the wrong kinds of thoughts in dear old Dad. Of course Dad suppresses them. Dad gets mad at daughter, but Dad loves daughter. Confusion.
The Sons are handsome young men. Dad looks in mirror at himself. Dad is jealous of sons, but Dad loves son. Confusion.
Dad tries to be better then child. Dad always tries to be better then child - no matter what the child has accomplished. But Dad loves his children.
As Children grow older, at family gatherings, Dad still competes with children. "I am better then you" attitude prevails.
This has been my experience. My Dad loved me - he just never knew how to show it. For some reason he always - and I mean always saw me as a competitor. Someone to beat.
At one time in my life I swore I'd dance on his grave. Fortunately, as he grew older - into his 70's, he finally realized I was not a competitor - it was then he finally treated me as an equal (50 years too late).
So don't give up hope.
Ken
victoria it doesnt matter what you do as long as you can get away from people that tend to feel they need to put others down to make themselves look good .called the cops very good .now find a way to never be around this person again hes no good for you especially when hes destroying how you feel .god bless you and keep you safe
*cries* I am sorry.... wish I knew what to say. I have been living with my parents abuse for 33 years. Then it has continues into my relationships with friends and boyfriends. I have such a low self-esteem, that anyone who is kind to me I suck them in as a friend, only to learn that they had alternative motives. Too many people want something for you (me) whoever. I have been in therapy for over 10 years. hospitalized over 20 times for my depression and suicide attempt, and through it all they pretend that the past never happened. "oh we love you so much" then why did you wash my mouth out with soap, and spank me until a wooden spoon would break.
*cries* all I wanted to do was make them happy, and yet I never seem to do a good enough job.....
I am sorry for you, that you have to go through this. I am sorry I got off topic and went into my own stuff...... I feel like no one likes me, let alone loves me....well maybe my grandparents on my mom's side. but I am their first born grandchild..... there has always been a special bond between my grandma and me... anyway.... I digress again.... get out and away from him as much as possible....
yes, it sounds like not only emotional abuse which is actually worse than physical abuse but the physical abuse as well.
you need to do what's right, fair, and good for you!!!! this can be damaging to you forever sooooo.... dear you need to go to the police and make a report or go to domestic violence and report that you need help due to the fact that your mom doesn't want you to press charges against your father, i can see that for whatever reason she wants to protect him still and that's not good for you, her or doing him a darn bit of good. he needs help! you all do, but mostly you as you are the victim of his selfless infliction.
just make a report... you don't have to press charges against your father if your afraid of that. no-one can make you press charges but they can help you!!!!
good luck dear, my thoughts and prayers are with you...carry on, hold your head up, pray about it and get the help you need. it's free i know through domestic violence and all confidential. call them today or just walk in and talk to them/they're really wonderful and caring and will get you back on the right track.
if you don't report the abuse it will only continue and get much worse if not to you to another. it's ok!!!!
YES I HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY MY MOTHER.... ALL MY LIFE... I AM BIPOLAR... SHE EVEN MAKES FUN OF ME....
SIGHS
*** You have received quite a few responses.**** Your question, to me, hit me with many memories. I can honestly say that I understand your situation. I have many words of wisdom/advice but my answer will be quite lengthy, which usually, are not completely read in full.
* You cannot change your Dad's behavior. In a twisted sense, he does love you, in his own way. But, you need to remove yourself from this situation. Only you can change you !! If you continue your life, living as you do, it will carry over into any relationship that you may have with a member of the opposite sex or even, same sex ( if this applies, no offense intended).
* The verbal abuse/emotional abuse has now become physical, definitely a bad sign. His physical abuse may now become more frequent. Your life is in jeopardy !! Once the physical abuse begins, it's highly likely that this will continue and may even become life-threatening. My step father molested me and beat me alot. My Mom didn't know what to do. This was in the mid- 1960's which, didn't have the services that are available today.
* I'm not trying to scare you but, the reality is that you are in danger. There are hotlines that are available for such situations ( Domestic Violence, just call information to obtain their 800 number or call your local hospital and they can guide you from there). The service can advise you, offer you options as to what you should do. They are terrific people. My ex-spouse was very emotionally abusive and then he became physically abusive that I ended up in the Emergency Room with 17 stitches to my face and mouth. He hit me so hard that both my eyes were black & blue. I was so terrified! At the hospital, a counselor from Domestic Violence was contacted. They helped me so much !!
* I left my spouse, he was thrown out of our home. Obviously, since your situation involves your father and, your Mom is reluctant to do anything. She is probably scared as well. There is a vicious cycle that is happening !!
* How old are you ?? Do you have a close friend or relative that you can confide in ?? School counselor ?? You need to find another place to live, if possible. If you, currently do not have any outlets, then, again, you need to contact the Domestic Violence Helpline, ASAP !! I'm sorry that you have to deal with the dark side of loved ones. Living well is the best revenge !! You should seek professional help such as a Therapist so that you can talk about your situation. Good Luck and God Bless !
Ruth