What is wrong with my glasses?!

The situation you describe sounds like the coating on the lenses has gone bad, some of these are guaranteed, so try taking them back where you got them and see if they will replace the lenses. Note; I'm not sure how long the guarantee (if any) is good for, so, no guarantees about the guarantee!

The fact that you say "all the scratches are the same length & width, but random directions" is what makes me think that it is a coefficient of thermal expansion mis-match between the coating and lens causing the cracks. Did you leave them somewhere hot like on the dashboard of a car in the summer?

Transition lenses generally come with a hard coating which protects them to some degree. However nothing makes them 100% scratch proof so cleaning them with a rough cloth, your clothes or not using fluid can cause scratches. If you have anything in the case with them it can happen too.

Or it could be your anti-reflection coating breaking down (if you have one) but the description you give sounds like tiny fibre scratches.

Try the contacts again. It can take ages at first, but if the Optician has instructed you properly it will get easier and easier each time.

Good Luck!

I'm a dispensing optician.

When I used to wear glasses I thought the same thing! Why and how are all these marks appearing on my glasses? I keep them in fine shape? It's because your glasses lenses are lacking and even the small things will scratch them!:/ I know not fair huh? Since they were getting tormented and dirtier even though I cleaned them I gave a wack at contacts even though I realized they were a hassle I still remembered how bad I looked with glasses and how hard it was to maintain those to so I stayed with the contacts and now i've had them for a year and it's gotten some taking to get used to but now i'm fine and I think you should give yourself another go on the contacts! Because if you think they make you look better then you should! And really try to stick with it this time!

Your glasses must not have anti-scratch coatings, which prevent minor scratches in daily use. Or, if you really took good care of them, the lens may be affected by temperature or some chemicals.
You may visit www.neoglasses.com to find a replacement, the glasses they provided are added anti-scratch coatings with no charge. And also they have Transition (Photochromic) glasses.

Scratches - cleaning the lenses with a dirty cloth, paper tissue (the worst thing to use) ,your T shirt or sweater. All these will cause scratches, so will dirt in the case and putting the face down. Next pair, get a hard coat on them to reduce the scratch marks.
Try the contact lenses again - some people are not ready to put them in the first time they try. You will speed up.