To what extent do I NOT help a wheelchair bound person.....?!

To what extent do I NOT help a wheelchair bound person.....?

I mean in the interests of the persons dignity.... today i watched such a person attempt to retrieve a letter from the floor... grasping at it but not being able to lift an edge in order to pick it up. I had to help, and didnt want to watch any longer.... but then I thought should I have waited ... had I in some way insulted that person by helping? I feel awkward and don't know how much I should allow them to achieve something ...have you any thoughts on similar incidents?

4 weeks ago
I love Franja's interpretation on "handicapped" and I'm inclined to agree too. Yeh I'm caring enough to check back on my answers, I wouldn't be discussing my own inadequacies and asking for opinions if I didn't care. I realise dignity and pride is a very important factor but I helped without asking, such is my nature and then wondered if I had inadvertantly made that person feel bad by not allowing them enough time to do their own thing.

As a wheelchair user I feel qualified to answer your query...

Firstly let me apologise for all the wheelies who have instilled in you this sense of not knowing what to do - I've met them too!

(They are disabled and it's all YOUR fault!)

Personally, I dislike turning down offers of help, because they all come from a good place... I do sometimes turn down such offers - but I hope I manage to do it graciously, "No thank you, I can manage; but thank you very much for offering - Don't go too far, I might be looking for you in 5 minutes [smile]"

It IS hard. I value my ability to do what I can, whilst recognising what I can't!

I would NEVER expect a stranger to know what I can or can't manage- so will always be grateful of the offer of help.

Best case scenario is "Can I help?" or in the case given "Can I get that for you?"

"Can I help?" is better than "Do you need help?" and "Can I get that for you?" is better than "Do you need me to get that for you?"

More enabling for us to accept offered help than to accept needed help...

Does that make sense?

EDIT: - Just read the first line of the answer before mine and want to say that I HATE being referred to as INVALID! I am still valid - I just don't do the walking thing... I want to prefer to call myself handicapped - but personally I prefer disabled.

I WANT to be happy with "handicapped" because...

In the 'human race' - God is the Steward - and the steward ALWAYS gives the best horses a handicap so the rest have an equal chance!

Like I said - I WANT to be happy with that - but I'm not...

DAMMIT!

See, we wheelies make no sense at all! Even to each other!

Some would take exception to being called 'disabled' ("I'm not DISabled - I just don't have the same abilities as you!)

So YOU'VE got NO chance!

but thank you for caring enough to ask...

but do you care enough to check back and read your answers???