Husband has serious bedwetting problem... need advice!!! (serious answers please!
Question: my husband of a year has developed this bedwetting problem. he returned from iraq (the war) last year and it started only when he'd drink alcohol he'd wet the bed which was only like every other week. it shortly persisted into peeing the bed even without alcohol in his system but it still wasn't as frequent maybe twice a week. now almost a year later it's been like every night. i blew it off at first like oh it's b/c he's drinking or it was an accident now it's annoying. i keep telling him to get help. he hasn't told his doc he wets the bed but has said he's had bladder issues and they had tested him for UTI, diabetes, STD. he refuses to get help as much as i tell him and he says he's never had a history of bedwetting before so i am thinking it could be PTSD, or the many other underlying causes of bedwetting. how do i get him to take this serious and not be embarrassed to talk to his doctor about it? i need advice please. don't be mean my husband has served for this country...
Answers: my husband of a year has developed this bedwetting problem. he returned from iraq (the war) last year and it started only when he'd drink alcohol he'd wet the bed which was only like every other week. it shortly persisted into peeing the bed even without alcohol in his system but it still wasn't as frequent maybe twice a week. now almost a year later it's been like every night. i blew it off at first like oh it's b/c he's drinking or it was an accident now it's annoying. i keep telling him to get help. he hasn't told his doc he wets the bed but has said he's had bladder issues and they had tested him for UTI, diabetes, STD. he refuses to get help as much as i tell him and he says he's never had a history of bedwetting before so i am thinking it could be PTSD, or the many other underlying causes of bedwetting. how do i get him to take this serious and not be embarrassed to talk to his doctor about it? i need advice please. don't be mean my husband has served for this country...
I'm very sorry to hear that your husband is going through this. Since he never had a history of bedwetting before coming back from the war, this could very easily be a form of PTSD, which can (though doesn't always) have bedwetting as a symptom. He is probably just sleeping too soundly to feel his bladder getting full and wake himself up in time. As this happens more and more over time, the bladder can actually get accustomed to letting go during sleep, so the muscles just relax automatically when it gets full to a certain level, instead of even "trying" (as it were) to hold it in or wake him up. This is (obviously) an extremely embarrassing problem for him and you're doing the right thing by trying to approach it in a sensitive, non-confrontational way.
Unfortunately it sounds like he hasn't been too receptive to your efforts this point. Please do realize that only he, not you, can decide that he is ready to seek treatment for this problem. If he is not on board with your efforts, then nothing you do (waking him up, etc.) is going to have any effect.
I'm offering you the following advice as a fellow adult male who also struggles with an occasional bedwetting problem. My problem isn't the same as your husband's (I've been a bedwetter on and off all my life because my bladder has never been fully developed for my age, and I've never been in a war), but I do know something of how embarrassing it is, how helpless it feels to lose control of one's bladder, and why one would be reluctant to open up to a doctor about it.
FIRST, I would suggest that you pick a time to sit down and talk with him when he's a captive audience (maybe you're in the car together, or stand in the doorway of the bedroom so he can't leave) and tell him that you want to be open with him about his bedwetting problem. Don't mince words or evade the issue. Make it VERY clear that you love him and accept him for who he is, and want to support him, no matter what. Emphasize that it is his decision, and his decision alone, how he will seek treatment or what kind of treatment he will seek, since no "treatment" will work unless he actively participates -- but that you are having a hard time coping with the present situation, and you might have to find an alternative solution (e.g. buying him Depends, leaving it to him to wash his own sheets, or sleeping in a separate bed) if he's unwilling to cope with the problem. Ask him if he really WANTS to wake up in wet sheets every morning, or whether he thinks it might be worth it to see if he can get some help, because it's obviously not going away on its own. Offer to go to the doctor with him and speak for him if he has a hard time telling the doctor about it himself. After that... wait. He may decide to open up to you right away, or he may do it eventually but take awhile. Keep showing him that you love him and aren't going to leave him or reject him because of this -- but make sure he's aware of your needs and the steps you will take to meet them (whatever those might be) if he doesn't cooperate.
I wish both of you the best, and I hope you are able to find a solution that works for both of you!
Im sorry but i really cant help my self but laugh at this, but anyway i really reccoment u go to a doctor i mean YOU not HIM...YOU go and ask the doctor and hell probably give u pills and such also if u goto toilet before bed that will help a bit
He probably has that one syndrome that affects people that get back from war. He might still be in Iraq when he is asleap (nightmares), the only way to get rid of this (that I know of) is therapy. Either that or have him use the restroom before he goes to bed.
It is really a big problem.My wife used to wake me up 3 times in the middle of night to show me the way to the wash room. She took the trouble & I co.operated.Now I am alright. Try this.
He really needs to see the doc and accept the help that is there, as there will be. If he refuses to resolve the problem then he is risking marital problems. tell him. xx
i agree, it would be embarrassing for him to see his doctor about it, but he must. i imagine a lot of it has to do with his time in iraq. but there's treatment available for incontinence, and it's most likely a "mind" thing, not a physical problem. it's probably the dreams he's having thats causing it.
Insist that he wears Depends to bed or you will sleep in another room. Don't be mean about it -- it's just really unfair that you have to sleep in someone else's urine. You may also want to call his doctor to let them know what's going on.
By the way -- getting so drunk that you pee on yourself is very dangerous. He's consuming a dangerous level of alcohol. Please get some help for him.