Screwed up life?!

Screwed up life?

I feel I'm not wanted. Not listened to. I'm in the middle of a stereotype circle. I pretend to be someone I'm not, just to be accepted. Nobody knows the pain I'm going through. I know I should open up, but I really just don't know how to. I'm only 13, and I've had drug addictions, I've cut, I've been abused by a boyfriend, and almost raped. I know I should call the police, but I can't. I know I need rehab, but I don't want to open up. I'm just afraid of peoples thoughts. I don't want to be known as a freak, I want to be known as the honor roll, track running, Hollister shopping, "right" crowd girl I am known to be. Especially to my parents, the last thing I want is to be an embarrasment to them. But I also don't want to have what I'm going through bottled up. All my "hardcore" friends went through the rehab and cutting, but they aren't any help, I mean, they are stoned half the time. But I don't know, I just need some advice.

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I am 16 and I know how you feel. I know how hard it is because you want to fit in with the right crowd and don't want to be different, but you have to fix all this and seek help for yourself. I am going to write seperate solutions below here for all the problems you said you have. (SORRY 4 HOW LONG IT IS!)

You said you pretend to be someone your not.
I know it is scary because you want to fit in, but you have to learn to accept and be who you are. Once everyone sees the real you, they will probably love you anways! You sound like an awesome person and I don't even know you, I just read your question! If you really want true friends and people who truly care about you, then you have to show them the true you first. And don't be afraid to!

You said you don't know how to open up.
I am also having the same problem right now in my life, so I can't exactly tell you how to. But I think you should just take baby steps. Tell someone something about yourself that they don't know, show them your real interests, and tell them that you are having this problem and I'm sure they would love to help! And you can also try therapy. Plus have you ever heard of hypnotherapy? It is where they put you to sleep and talk to your subconscious mind and tell it to remove its fears, and maybe this can help if you are really scared of being yourself. I don't know if that would help, but I just thought I should mention it incase you would want to know.

You said you don't want to be known as a freak and you want to be the "right" crowd girl.
It sounds like you are afraid of losing your image, but it is not even the real you! You are not a freak and you shouldn't think of yourself as one. And there are no "right" crowds either. Everyone is an individual and everyone is a "right" person. You may be different, but you should accept it because that is what makes you unique and I'm sure if other people saw who you are, they would not think any less of you. And you are not an embarrassment to your parents either, and I'm sure they love you for the real you. If you are afraid of going to rehab because it will embarrass your parents in front of other people, then that is not a good way to think because everyone needs help sometimes and there is no reason to be ashamed and I'm sure your parents won't be ashamed if you tell them the truth.

You said you have drug addictions.
I would go to rehab! Age 13 is very young to be messing with drugs... actually it doesn't matter what age you are, you should get help if you are addicted! Don't be afraid, everyone needs help sometimes and if you go then everything will be okay! =)

You said you have cut yourself before.
Please don't do this! You are a wonderful person and you should treat yourself like one and respect yourself. You can try yoga/ pilates, or therapy, or write your feelings down in journal. All these help with relieving anger and stress. And if you want to cut something, try cutting pillow cases or another object, but please don't do it to you!

You said you were abused by a boyfriend and almost raped.
I have also been abused before (but not physically), and you need to realize it is not your fault. Sometimes bad people will do bad things but you need to overcome this to have a better life. And it is all in the past, and don't let the past ruin your present and future. And it is the same thing with almost being raped. Just try to overcome this and I'm sure everything will work out! You can also try therapy, and I'm so sorry this happened! =)

Okay last thing. You said you have friends who are always stoned.
True friends will help you and not be stoned. If you be yourself, I'm sure you will get plenty of other friends who really care about you. And don't let them doing drugs influence you into doing them. Drugs are not a good idea and you have your whole future ahead of you!

I hope this helps, and I'm so sorry about all this! And I'm sorry this is soooo long. You can email me if you need to- my address is Miss.Sunshine24316@yahoo.com. I hope this helps and I hope everything works out 4 you! =)