I have a huge problem , FEAR from having a fight or makin a seen , plz read my s!
Question: I have a huge problem , FEAR from having a fight or makin a seen , plz read my story ?
lemme tell you first a little bit about my past
i was raised in an abusing family , my father emotionally abused me and took away all my happeniss , he hurt me every single day , and took away all my confidence
so when i used to go to school i had this HUGE FEAR from having a fight or makin a seen , i used to get bullied , and i get angry about it , but when i stand up for myself suddenly all the adrenaline start flowing in my body , it makes me paranoid and kinda unable to move , i feel like i wanna faint at any second , my whole body starts shaking , and i have this cold feeling in my chest , my face turns lime , and my forehead feels so cold , i feel like am gonna die , and all people are just watching me now , i feel like all people on the earth are against me and hate me
so in this condition I WONT be able to fight , adrenaline takes away all my strength ,
so i kept avoiding getting into trouble all the time , i never said a single word in the class , i tried my best to be INVISIBLE , nothing worked , people kept bullying me and destroy me emotionally , so i lost all my interests in life , i lost my SMILE that was always on my face , and i lost myself .
my dad never helped me , he kept telling me that am a coward , even though i told him i cant control it .
and now am 20 , and yeah ... nothing changed at all am still the same , i was walkin in the mall a while ago and suddenly a punch of guys started lookin at me like they wanna make a trouble you know , and i felt the same feeling when i was a kid , FEAR , so i walked away and one of em said "yeah thats right baby walk away "
seriously i cant take it anymore , i wanna die so bad , i just wanted to throw myself from the 2nd floor in the mall .
those feelings are destroying me , i tried my best to change but i couldnt
i have no energy left , am just lookin for an easy way to die . i love my best friend she is the best girl ever
i love you honey from all my heart
Answers:
dude dont hate on urself only u know aobut ur pain and agony them guys u saw don't know what it feels like to be abused. Dude being abused is the biggest deal that won't go awy over night. Don't worry what anyone thinks. Don't live up to anyones expectation. Obviously you lost yourself cause like i said its a big deal not a small one. It's good that u can control urself from fights its actually a good hting this actually shows that u have a heart. I also can tell u have anxitey and I dont blame u.
Dude u survived the abusing ur dad gave u, because ur strong. You have a wonderful freind that u adore. You can be a whole new person yo. You can do whatever. I think its best if u tlk to a profesional I dont know much about these things i just try to help poeple. I noticed noone answered so i decided to put an effort. I hope you find some hlep and hope u find peace. My heart totally goes out for ya.
take care ?