Issues of control, any advice?!
Question: Issues of control, any advice!?
I have a nine year history of depression and anxiety!. At the stem of this seems to be an issue I have with control!. I suffered from anorexia and then bulimia (trying to exert control over my weight) and to this day still have to be able to control my weight (although I stay at a healthy weight)!.
My illness has improved tremendously over the last two years!. I am now able to do things I wasn't able to do before - go to parties, speak to people!. make friends, hold down a job, come off as "normal" ie!. not a sufferer of depression (no-one can tell!) I'm very pleased with my new found confidence and feel I am making the right steps towards recovery!. However, this issue of control keeps cropping up when I least expect it!.
The most recent example is of a guy I had been dating!. On our second date we slept together and when I asked him on a third I never heard back!. I felt used!. I had behaved in such a way as to communicate to him that I do not sleep around and was looking for someone to "date" not "f**k"!. And he acted the same way!. I feel tricked!.
I took the day off work today!. I was terrible weak this morning and blamed it on a virus I've had but soon realised that I was just very unhappy and that was the cause of my lack of motivation!. It took a while to work out why I should feel this way but I now understand that it is not because I am particularly interested in this guy (he's ok, nothing amazing, I'd like to get to know him better before I make a decision etc!.) But because I do not have control over this situation!. I don't mind if it doesn't turn into anything but I feel like I have to make that decision!. Ie!. I should be the one to break it off if necessary!. Not him!. I feel terrible because this is happening outside of my sphere of control (ie!. within him, HE made a decision and I can't change that)!.
I can't just skip work when these things happen!. I can't suddenly start feeling this bad and let my life stop!. Does anyone else suffer from issues of control!? Have you any advice on how I can improve my relationship with these issues!?
ThanksWww@Answer-Health@Com
My illness has improved tremendously over the last two years!. I am now able to do things I wasn't able to do before - go to parties, speak to people!. make friends, hold down a job, come off as "normal" ie!. not a sufferer of depression (no-one can tell!) I'm very pleased with my new found confidence and feel I am making the right steps towards recovery!. However, this issue of control keeps cropping up when I least expect it!.
The most recent example is of a guy I had been dating!. On our second date we slept together and when I asked him on a third I never heard back!. I felt used!. I had behaved in such a way as to communicate to him that I do not sleep around and was looking for someone to "date" not "f**k"!. And he acted the same way!. I feel tricked!.
I took the day off work today!. I was terrible weak this morning and blamed it on a virus I've had but soon realised that I was just very unhappy and that was the cause of my lack of motivation!. It took a while to work out why I should feel this way but I now understand that it is not because I am particularly interested in this guy (he's ok, nothing amazing, I'd like to get to know him better before I make a decision etc!.) But because I do not have control over this situation!. I don't mind if it doesn't turn into anything but I feel like I have to make that decision!. Ie!. I should be the one to break it off if necessary!. Not him!. I feel terrible because this is happening outside of my sphere of control (ie!. within him, HE made a decision and I can't change that)!.
I can't just skip work when these things happen!. I can't suddenly start feeling this bad and let my life stop!. Does anyone else suffer from issues of control!? Have you any advice on how I can improve my relationship with these issues!?
ThanksWww@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I think most of your problem stems from the fact that early in your life you were starved of affection!. all the signs are there in your Q!. And in your own words "I am not particularly interested in this guy" and yet you slept with him!. The way forward is to mix more, be sociable, happy, just a little flirty but not get seriously involved!. Try to find a wider circle of friends, both male and female, that way you will be able to keep in touch, and exercise that control you are capable of doing!. The admiration and affection will come in small doses and then you can wait for the bigger attraction!. Just feel comfortable with what is considered as normal life!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I do!.!.!.things I can't control really bother me-not as much as in the past, but they still do-things like what people think about me, and the faulty "logic" some people have!. The way I deal with it now is!.!.I just stop caring!.!.I don't pursue endless arguments, and actions that won't change anything!. For you, it sounds like you have been hurt seriously in the past by somebody you trusted (parents) and maybe your angry that they made decisions for you, and didn't care what you wanted!.-bottom line fix the problem,don't treat the symptom-or this issue will torment you all your life!.Www@Answer-Health@Com