How to deal with a "toxic" mother?!
Question: How to deal with a "toxic" mother!?
She verbally abused me as a kid and though it was funny to do because she claimed that my dad didn't take care of home!.
My dad worked 2 jobs and never abused her, but she abused him verbally and physically try to fight him!.
Well at any rate, when I was about 10, she made a joke about me being a "mistake" to someone!. Also, she put me down by saying that I am no good, a liar, and other mean things!. to end when I was in igh school about become accpeted to a college, she would not let me go becasue her statement to me was "you are going to stay here and go to school here and take care of me"!.
I am seeing professional help to deal with the mess that she put me through and move in my life!. Now the question is: It is my fault that she did the verbal put downs shen I was 10-17 years old!?
And last, how and what to do and say to her once and for all, becasue,I moving out of the State of Michigan in the middle of 2009!?
Thanks
-RWww@Answer-Health@Com
My dad worked 2 jobs and never abused her, but she abused him verbally and physically try to fight him!.
Well at any rate, when I was about 10, she made a joke about me being a "mistake" to someone!. Also, she put me down by saying that I am no good, a liar, and other mean things!. to end when I was in igh school about become accpeted to a college, she would not let me go becasue her statement to me was "you are going to stay here and go to school here and take care of me"!.
I am seeing professional help to deal with the mess that she put me through and move in my life!. Now the question is: It is my fault that she did the verbal put downs shen I was 10-17 years old!?
And last, how and what to do and say to her once and for all, becasue,I moving out of the State of Michigan in the middle of 2009!?
Thanks
-RWww@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
First and foremost, no it is not your fault!. She has problems!. It's not you, it's her!. I hope you an internalize it!. You are right in your very question: you are unfortunate to have a toxic mother!. You did not cause it!.
I would not bother to say anything once and for all!. I would visit home on your last day in town and inform her that you are moving to Arizona or wherever, that you have a job arranged and housing and it is a new start for you, that you hope she will be happy for you and find happiness for herself!.
Maybe she'll be too stunned to respond; maybe she'll throw a fit!. But if you tell her earlier you will subject yourself to daily fits until you go!.
Or, she will seem to suddenly act better toward you and try to guilt you into staying, but it will be manipulation only, unfortunately, unless she has done something like therapy or some other real steps to make changes!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I would not bother to say anything once and for all!. I would visit home on your last day in town and inform her that you are moving to Arizona or wherever, that you have a job arranged and housing and it is a new start for you, that you hope she will be happy for you and find happiness for herself!.
Maybe she'll be too stunned to respond; maybe she'll throw a fit!. But if you tell her earlier you will subject yourself to daily fits until you go!.
Or, she will seem to suddenly act better toward you and try to guilt you into staying, but it will be manipulation only, unfortunately, unless she has done something like therapy or some other real steps to make changes!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
No, it is not your fault! You were just a child, and she sounds like a horrible, selfish person who does not deserve to be a mother!.
In your shoes, I would say nothing about moving at all until it's time!. That way, you don't have to listen to her crap between now and then!. And when the time comes, just pack up and go!.
I can't believe she had the nerve to tell you "you are going to stay here and go to school here and take care of me"! I would tell her that since she never took care of you as a child in the way that a mother should, you do not feel obligated to take care of her!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
In your shoes, I would say nothing about moving at all until it's time!. That way, you don't have to listen to her crap between now and then!. And when the time comes, just pack up and go!.
I can't believe she had the nerve to tell you "you are going to stay here and go to school here and take care of me"! I would tell her that since she never took care of you as a child in the way that a mother should, you do not feel obligated to take care of her!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
It is my fault that she did the verbal put downs shen I was 10-17 years old!?
No parents can be wrong sometimes and your mother was dealing with her own issues and putting them on you!. If I were you I would ignore just about everything that she has told you about yourself that was a put down, it was just her acting out!.
All I suggest that you do is tell her to keep in touch and you will be there to hear her when she needs to speak with someone!. Why!? Because at that time she might be under stress and telling you a whole bunch of things that you dont want to hear!. You have to get on with your own life and learn to take care of yourself, so definately go to college and learn to stand on your own two feet without the put downs!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
No parents can be wrong sometimes and your mother was dealing with her own issues and putting them on you!. If I were you I would ignore just about everything that she has told you about yourself that was a put down, it was just her acting out!.
All I suggest that you do is tell her to keep in touch and you will be there to hear her when she needs to speak with someone!. Why!? Because at that time she might be under stress and telling you a whole bunch of things that you dont want to hear!. You have to get on with your own life and learn to take care of yourself, so definately go to college and learn to stand on your own two feet without the put downs!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I know someone in your same situation!. What I can do is have a plan to get out, which it seems like you do!. When time comes, GO!!! Get out of there and don't look back!. I don't know what you need to say (except for "BYE") because chances are she'll say something nasty back and make you feel bad!. Also, whatever you say, she probably will not be able to see things from your point of view!. Maybe you should write a letter and give it to her when you leave!. And I wouldn't even talk about leaving until you're ready because she might try to stop you!.
You realize that your mother is toxic and that is good!. So please realize that SHE has the problem, so it was not your fault that she verbally abused you while you were growing up!. She is sick, and she needs help!. GOOD LUCK!Www@Answer-Health@Com
You realize that your mother is toxic and that is good!. So please realize that SHE has the problem, so it was not your fault that she verbally abused you while you were growing up!. She is sick, and she needs help!. GOOD LUCK!Www@Answer-Health@Com