Visiting my mother in a psychiatric hospital?!
Question: Hi. My mother is staying long term in a state psychiatric hospital for a severe bipolar epsiode resulting in her assaulting nurses (?!) and making threats to take her own life.
We have always had a terrible relationship, and I have no plans to resolve it. I have ADHD and mild depression, and feel I should take care of myself first. My dad had asked me to fly there for a weekend so I can accompany him for a visit to her.
I just don't see the benefit? Aside from helping my dad, why should I feel ok about just upsetting myself and my mom?
Any insight on why a visit like this would be a good thing?
Thanks very much.
Answers: Hi. My mother is staying long term in a state psychiatric hospital for a severe bipolar epsiode resulting in her assaulting nurses (?!) and making threats to take her own life.
We have always had a terrible relationship, and I have no plans to resolve it. I have ADHD and mild depression, and feel I should take care of myself first. My dad had asked me to fly there for a weekend so I can accompany him for a visit to her.
I just don't see the benefit? Aside from helping my dad, why should I feel ok about just upsetting myself and my mom?
Any insight on why a visit like this would be a good thing?
Thanks very much.
You are the only person who can answer this. Here's what I'd use in my decision-making.
1. It's perfectly ok to not want to see your mom yet. No one should ever tell you otherwise, or pressure you.
2. But, since that isn't the only issue here, how strongly do you want to support your Dad? Does he need your support for some reason? Will he understand if you say you don't want to go with him?
3. If you can get comfortable with saying "no" then that's fine. But if saying "no" means you'll end up feeling guilty to one or both parents, is there any room for compromise here? For example, talk to your Dad and tell him you're not ready to see Mom, but you're willing to be supportive if the boundaries are clearly laid out. For example, if Mom says or does anything at all that starts to bother you, you will leave and go out to the lobby or parking lot. This isn't a subject for discussion - you'd want prior agreement that you have this right and you will exercise it!
However, I'd leave the ADHD out of it. It almost sounds manipulative (if that makes sense!). Any person has a right to set boundaries around people who have been toxic to them - the ADHD isn't an issue here. And if you bring it up and someone says "why would this hurt your ADHD"? you're walking into trouble.
If you say your mom has given you problems your whole life and you're not ready mentally or emotionally to see her yet, that one is much easier to accept.
I'm sorry you're going through this and good luck!
You are ADHD which means you should meet each day head on and master the resolutions in your mind before you can address your parents situation. You have the will to conqeur
the situation and you can do it!! Just make sure you don't accumulate any mountains in your mind!! If Dad wants to see Mom , he is a big boy he can do it on his own!! Look in the mirror smile at the reflection and say I Love You! That is all you need in help!!!!
You have to do what's best for you right now your mom is being taken care of by professionals. Explain to your dad that it won't help you mentally to go see your mom and probably won't help her either and to send her your love.