Bipolar, impulsive behavior last night?!


Question: ...

I have been in a severe depressive episode for a good couple of weeks now, intensifying as it the days go on. It sorta/kinda started to feel better two days ago, but I still hav felt like sh-t. Last night I went to a bonfire at a friend's (I so did not want to go, but I realized I had to get out of the house and get lost for a bit.) There were only 5 guys and 7 girls, and all but one guy and 4 girls left by midnight. It was a rowdy night, and the boys and I competed in a fire-jumping contest, catching shoelaces and pantlegs on fire in the process. I lost :( Short legs don't jump as high.

Anyway, by 1 a.m. my friend and the rest of the girls were out cold, and it was just me and my friend's best-guy-friend left. He randomly took me outside and asked to kiss me (dorky, I know) and I just sort of stood there in shock... next thing I knew I was up against the wall with his tongue in my mouth. For some idiotic reason I didn't give a damn *CONT'D*:

Answers: ...

I have been in a severe depressive episode for a good couple of weeks now, intensifying as it the days go on. It sorta/kinda started to feel better two days ago, but I still hav felt like sh-t. Last night I went to a bonfire at a friend's (I so did not want to go, but I realized I had to get out of the house and get lost for a bit.) There were only 5 guys and 7 girls, and all but one guy and 4 girls left by midnight. It was a rowdy night, and the boys and I competed in a fire-jumping contest, catching shoelaces and pantlegs on fire in the process. I lost :( Short legs don't jump as high.

Anyway, by 1 a.m. my friend and the rest of the girls were out cold, and it was just me and my friend's best-guy-friend left. He randomly took me outside and asked to kiss me (dorky, I know) and I just sort of stood there in shock... next thing I knew I was up against the wall with his tongue in my mouth. For some idiotic reason I didn't give a damn *CONT'D*:
Forgive my crudity but, I honestly think, if you went for that long, that you should have let him bring you to orgasm; it would surely give you the release you so evidently require.

I seriously do not understand why you post hordes of almost identical questions relating to your bipolarity and your suicidal thoughts/overall frustration with life, in the vain hope of receiving some sort of enlightened response on YA, of all places. For a self-proclaimed child prodigy, I would have thought you might have a bit more sense than that.

Look, go to your psychiatrist. I cannot believe you're not on any antidepressants at the moment; if they think the simple element Lithium alone will make any noticeable difference in your mind, you should change doctors. Also, vent your frustrations to a qualified psychotherapist, who will have the professional insight to be able to guide you and explore your problems and, I don't know, maybe resolve some of them, or at least the emotional trauma which they have obviously caused you for a long time. Give your therapist a chance, and if you don't get on, or indeed if he/she is genuinely an idiot, then change until you find a suitable one; but as I said, give him/her a fair chance.
Self-proclaimed prodigy, by the way? Far from. Far, far from. Report It

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  • Aghbaybay's Avatar by Aghbayba...
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    • I'm not sure if this was part of a manic episode or not. But here is my insight.

    There are times when ALL teenagers make mistakes. Sometimes they do things that surprise themselves. I honestly dont think it really has to do with mental illness. It's just a part of growing up and learning about yourself.

    It sounds like you are saying that it is totally out of character for you to do something like that. I totally get that. It must feel really weird, like you don't feel like yourself. I think this is totally normal.

    Just remember how you felt afterwards and next time you are in a situation where you know you don't want to be, remind yourself to walk away or say no.

    You sound like a strong person, and I'm sure you will be fine. :o)
    It can be really hard to explain our reasoning for things sometimes. I would love to say that I've had a similar experience before and felt the exact same way you do. However, there was alcohol involved, so I can't say its the same thing. Although, afterwards after I sobered up I felt like ****, and I felt dirty just like you did, so I know how that feels. Also, it was out of character for me, in general. oh and i also know how you feel about the sleep. I was addicted to energy drinks last school year. I hardly slept, and know what it feels like to be up without any sleep, running off of nothing. It basically turns you into a zombie and your stomach and mind feel like trash.

    In your case, I don't think theres some super elaborate explanation. We all do things on impulse sometimes, especially in the cases where you add "teens" + "sexual/romantic opportunities" = irrational impulsive results. May be partly human nature, partly the condition of the mind at the time of the event (moods, etc..). Might have been a strong subconcious desire for a relationship/attention/love/happiness. The environment strongly influences humans also. (party type atmosphere, realization others are asleep, curiousity of experience, feeling of rebeliousness, nighttime setting, etc) I guess a general rule of thumb would be that, if in a similar situation, if there is any sort of pressure or discomfort, however slight, that is lingering in your mind during the event, then its probably going to be something that you'll regret afterwards. Regardless, **** just happens sometimes. Don't let it bother you too much. Try to think very philosophically, esp in an objective manner. It may help you adopt a perspective about that event which might make you feel better about it.

    So he was wanna-be emo eh? lol


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