Is there something wrong with me..I can't seem to have a relationship?!
Question: A really good friend of mine from years back, like our highschool days said something to me the other day which has upset me. She is a psychologist and actually we are both in our mid 40s. She said to me that I have some problem with guys..it is true, I am always meeting guys, falling madly for them and then almost always nothing comes of it. She told me to get help about this as it is distressing me. I felt so upset after she said this as I had assumed that this phenomenon was just sheer bad luck. I am goodlooking and I know that..many people tell me. I am slim and look in my early 30s so I have no problem attracting guys. I have a good character and a good job but I am lonely and would love a lover in my life. I had one boyfriend for a few yrs but we broke up. Oh, another thing, I usually meet really young guys, like 20s and I actually like them. Now I am going to (for the 1st time in my life) go to a counsellor. Anyone any ideas what is wrong with me?
Answers: A really good friend of mine from years back, like our highschool days said something to me the other day which has upset me. She is a psychologist and actually we are both in our mid 40s. She said to me that I have some problem with guys..it is true, I am always meeting guys, falling madly for them and then almost always nothing comes of it. She told me to get help about this as it is distressing me. I felt so upset after she said this as I had assumed that this phenomenon was just sheer bad luck. I am goodlooking and I know that..many people tell me. I am slim and look in my early 30s so I have no problem attracting guys. I have a good character and a good job but I am lonely and would love a lover in my life. I had one boyfriend for a few yrs but we broke up. Oh, another thing, I usually meet really young guys, like 20s and I actually like them. Now I am going to (for the 1st time in my life) go to a counsellor. Anyone any ideas what is wrong with me?
Speaking as a guy, you're trying too hard. You see every guy as a possible permanent mate. Guys are probably expecting you to wear a wedding veil on the second date. You say you're good-looking. Do you have anything else to offer a guy? What do you like to do in your spare time? Do you have any hobbies or interests that would interest a guy? Do you read books or just watch TV? Do you play a musical instrument?
Take me, for example. I like girls who are witty, funny and intelligent. I want someone I can talk to about things that interest me. I like European History, the art of Calligraphy, I play bluegrass music and old-time fiddle music on 17 musical instruments and I'm a private pilot. I enjoy being able to keep up a conversation with a date about any of these or any related items.
What are you doing with your life besides sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and chasing after men half your age? Do you respect men who chase after women half their age? Find yourself some interest that will get you out of the house and into activities that other people might like to hear about. Take charge of your life. No one else will.
you find peopel in their 20's whos life is jsut starting thats why its not workign out- you dont need help you need to find a guy your own age that wants the same things you want.
Personally, I don't think anything is wrong with you. Or, rather, the only thing that's wrong with you is that (1) you think something's wrong with you and (2) you're lonely and need to learn how to stop feeling that way even without someone.
I also don't see the problem with dating younger guys. If that makes you happy, why not? It worked for Demi Moore! ;-) You could find yourself your very own Ashton Kutcher.
You could also realize that your psychologist friend might be wrong. They can be, you know.
You might be attracted to men that you know won't last the test of time. I know I am that way with women. But I have peace with that; relationships aren't for me.
You don't need someone to tell you why nothing serious happens in your relationships, its all down to you... what exactly happens in these relationships? do you just lose interest?
You shouldn't be down because your friend says you have a problem with guys. Its your life, not hers... you decide if your bad with guys,
Im bad with girls to be honest... i have a girl friend en all... but i get bored so easily... spending hours at her house watching dvds isnt my kind of thing...
Find out what you like and dont like, and try work things out with your new partner,
You like 20yrs, thats fine... but since they are only 20... and you are 40, they might not like that... so dont get down if you get turned down due to your age,
anyway good luck with it... hope you find a good relationship :)
Counseling is always good. None of us are without some sort of problem, and others of us seem to have an unfair allotment of them. By sharing your problem with others, you have the advantage of someone else seeing the same problems but with a different perspective.
Counselors are individuals who are specifically trained to give help to us in solving problems. Just as you may occasionally seek the advice of others in the choice of a restaurant, for how an article of clothing seems to look, or need to call a lawyer if serious trouble crosses your path, it's just as acceptable, and more necessary too, to seek counseling in some of our personal matters.
You've heard the parable about "Not being able to see the forest because of all of the trees." Well, it's applicable for for all of us who face problems which we have difficulties overcoming.
Don't feel guilty, nor inadequate, for not understanding all of life's situations. There are few of us who don't have some problem or other. Few of us are able to solve every problem which may confront us. Seeking help to understand social interactions, is as good for those who need it, as is seeking help with medical, financial, legal, or a multiplicity of other problems.
Tell your friend thanks for caring about you, and that you will follow through by seeking counseling. Now just as you wouldn't go to a podiatrist for an earache, you must choose the right kind of counselor. As Dr.Laura says: "Now go out and do the right thing!" You'll have a new picture of your situation, and guidelines to have a more satisfying social interaction ability.
To answer your last question: "What is wrong with me?" A resounding "not anything" is most appropriate; you're normal, and being normal, you're just like other normal people who have problems, and have to get outside help in resolving them! .... because that really is normal!
Good Luck!
Loneliness is so popular, and yet nothing is so enjoyable as aloneness.
People are either lonely or together, but hardly ever alone.
Ain't that crazy.