Is this just a bump in the road in the marriage?!
Question: So I've been feeling kind of down and out lately.
I'm very self-conscious. I'm irritable.
I've been feeling very distant from my spouse. Sometimes I don't even know if I feel a romantic connection anymore. There's a lot of stress between us over money, and issues have come up that I didn't know about him before we wed. Again nothing major, but little lies (lots of issues with honesty - I am, he isn't). Little things add up...
There is nobody else, no 3rd person! We're both faithful.
I've been beating myself up over everything. I feel unmotivated to do anything lately - cook, clean, etc. - but I make myself do it anyway.
I've been feeling generally dissatisfied.
I had a baby 10 months ago... didn't have postpartum depression, I am very happy and loving mother.
I'm not suicidal, no psychotic thoughts, not obessive compulsive, nothing drastic... this is all very subtle.
Is this a normal little funk or something to be concerned with?
Advice, similiar stories?
Answers: So I've been feeling kind of down and out lately.
I'm very self-conscious. I'm irritable.
I've been feeling very distant from my spouse. Sometimes I don't even know if I feel a romantic connection anymore. There's a lot of stress between us over money, and issues have come up that I didn't know about him before we wed. Again nothing major, but little lies (lots of issues with honesty - I am, he isn't). Little things add up...
There is nobody else, no 3rd person! We're both faithful.
I've been beating myself up over everything. I feel unmotivated to do anything lately - cook, clean, etc. - but I make myself do it anyway.
I've been feeling generally dissatisfied.
I had a baby 10 months ago... didn't have postpartum depression, I am very happy and loving mother.
I'm not suicidal, no psychotic thoughts, not obessive compulsive, nothing drastic... this is all very subtle.
Is this a normal little funk or something to be concerned with?
Advice, similiar stories?
I wish you allowed e-mail. I'm sorry you are going through this. It might be just a bump but it might be a sign of more of the same. Marriage is a tough gig, by comparison I've found motherhood much easier.
I think you should focus on yourself and what you can do to feel better and good about yourself. I have found that if I wait for my partner to give me what I need that's what I spend my time doing...waiting. We love eachother and have shared a lifetime, but I can't expect things he can't give. I've been much happier for the last 10 years or so, since I figured that out.
Adjust to a new baby along with other issues can take a toll on anyone.
You should try to be open and honest with your spouse and let him know how you feel.
Every marriage has ups and downs.
If it goes past a few days or you just seem to get worse maybe you would benefit from a little me vacation time or seek a counseling group.
Sometimes you do get bored with the same old routine of everyday chores, and feeling like your being taken for granted. It is hard to get other people to appreciate you, or connect with to pull you out of this feeling, so what you must do, is do something for yourself. Get involved with something you enjoy weather it is a sport, or craft, hobby, or joining a club of some type, do what ever makes you feel better. Take time out of each day to enjoy what ever it is that makes you happy. Even treat yourself to getting a pedicure, or get your hair done, or have a facial. You need to reward yourself for all that you do for everyone else, and we all must have something in life to look forward too! Sometimes it is too expensive to go on a family vacation. What I do, is save some money, and plan a vacation by myself to a friends out of state. My husband is fine with that, and I board my dog, and I must say, my kids are grown, so that is not a problem at my age, but maybe you can have your Mom watch the kids for a few days while you get away. Stress can make you sick, and make you depressed! Treat yourself, no matter if its only a day out with your friends, or a few days away on a trip, plan something, after all you DESERVE it!
Feelings that are unresolved aren't good no matter what. You need to explore those feelings and maybe it would be good to consult a counselor or therapist one on one (female therapist).
When you say that he isn't honest, that's a problem and it's obviously bothering you a great deal. Question is, what can he do to resolve that for you? He's going to want to know what you want him to do about it that will help you and resolve the issue. Best to you.
Sure this sounds pretty normal (except for your husband's dishonesty). I have a wonderful husband but sometimes feel this way...especially if we had a misunderstanding or disagreement that was never fully resolved. It could be possible that you are building up resentment towards your husband's dishonesty. It is completely normal to have issues over money and to have issues that come up that you didn't realize would. In marriage the man and woman become more vulnerable to each other and learn many things about each other. I liken it to being an onion...as with an onion, there are many, many layers to your spouse and you will learn these layers as you grow together. Some layers will be a nice surprise to learn about your spouse, others will be hidden baggage from childhood or things like that. I wouldn't be too concerned about the funk, however, I would suggest talking with your husband about your concerns and not bury them deep inside. Your husband cannot help you through these feelings if you don't share them with him. Good luck and I hope you soon come out of this funk!
I'm old fashioned. I don't believe that people fall out of love. I believe that a marriage can last forever, except where there is abuse. What I do believe is that people let the "little things" in a marriage overshadow the reasons that 2 people love each other.
Maybe it's time to make a list of the things that you love about your husband, the reasons that you fell in love with him, and the things that would be missing from your life if he were not with you. On the other side, make a list of the things that are bothering you about him.
You'll either realize how lucky you are, or not. I just think that it helps to remember that the person that you fell in love with is still there...